@chieftwittler is hilarious. That's right, I'm sucking up. You should all try it sometime...might get you somewhere.

I love twist off wine bottles... it's like they get me.

Grazed my acting professor's butt during a quick change. @theater_kid

Sometimes your passions change. Don't feel like you're breaking a promise. Shit happens.

Much like a python, the wild costumer measures actors to see if she can eat them. #nature @theater_kid

"I wanted to be gay just so I could convince chicks to let me grab their boobs."--- my friend Craig

Sometimes after singing Edelweiss in our apt I can hear the neighbors sharpening their spears for queer hunting season.

I love practicing my "congrats" spiel to ppl who get cast in shows I wanted to be in. @theater_kid

Might glue plastic to the insides of my pockets so I can put food in them. #snackpockets

Are Snoopy & Woodstock in a dom-sub relationship?

Yeaahh... waiting on that turkey. pic.twitter.com/p8u8moBW

Forget 'Kissing' Booth. How bout 'A Few Sexually Alarming Minutes' Booth.

I'm sensing a lot of sexual tension between myself and this bag of flaming hot cheetos.

Fuck the rain. Fuck this journal assignment. Fuck it all, with my 10-foot dick... almost time for a Zoloft.

"Wow those people holding signs outside the booth really changed my mind." #saidnooneever

Best part about not acting? No headshot. I can go back to ignoring my face.

So, for the election, I've decided to move to France. The End. Bye-bye!

Twitter isn't for sappy shit. Cocks and bitchiness... that's all it's for. Get with the program.

Theater is ultimately about sex and death. That's why I'm writing a play about a zombie orgy.

It must be nice to be in high school and centered on yourself all the time.