If there really is face-eating-zombie LSD going around, then Bonnaroo is gonna be extra exciting this year. ^_^

I wish I had a sink that poured out nachos instead of water.

Emotions make my head hurt.

Aww, these baby carrots remind me of my ex-boyfriend's penis.

I call the dark circles under my eyes my "party circles".

Super excited about my future as that crazy lady who lives in a tent on the edge of town. ^_^

I bit the heads off of all my snowman cookies because they were staring at me. #SurroundedBySpies

Paul Revere was the guy who discovered the Beastie Boys and that's why they named a song after him. #PalinHistory

I don't like long walks on the beach, I like to get fucked up in the woods.

Someday, somebody is gonna get to be the first person to smoke weed in outer space.

It's cute when poor people dress up to go see their lawyers.

Eat a taco in the shower just to see if you can.

<--- Looking for Fruit Loops in a world full of Cheerios.

There's nothing to do in small town America except hide who you really are from those in charge.

If @skrillex does a dubstep remix of Gangnam Style at Counterpoint, the sun will go supernova & we will all become immortal star beings.

I like it when rail thin Jewish guys have beards the size of watermelons. It's a dope look.

My pizza won't be ready for 30 minutes?! That's like 8 hours!

I AM FILLED WITH DOUBT AND PORK

Holy shit you guys, I'm at the Creation Museum. Jesus and dinosaurs all up in this bitch.

Salt & pepper is like makeup for food.