I despise the old bitch so much that if she cured Cancer, I would refer to her as 'The cu*t who cured Cancer'.

I plan to combat this hangover by sitting on my couch until one of the children is old enough to cook me breakfast.

Me and Ben lost any cool credibility we ever had before in Tesco's, arguing at the self service check out about how to scan a loose onion.

For all of you who asked (none of you asked), my back is much better.

I'm off to toddlers group, then I'm going to buy that tomato I've been promising myself.

The boys are playing upstairs...Ben is asleep and I am alone.... this is what that Heaven must be like.

3yo watching a Magpie walking down the road "I just love Penguins" .. I explained, he misheard me and now he thinks they're called Bad Guys.

Oh yeh! 6yo totally took down a kid twice the size of him...I told him off in public and high fived him, when we got home.

3yo was really worried during our Fire Work display, he kept shouting "Don't pop the Moon, Daddy" ..*cancels his Young Scientist membership*

I am not joking when I say I have just done more research on 'Granola' than I did on my dissertation.

I just misread a headline, I thought it said "Lady Gaga to marry banana" it actually said 'barman'..either way I didn't bat an eyelid.

I am eating clementines and grapes. It is way too cold to be eating these or indeed any other fruits.

If crisps were made of alcohol, I would be George Best.

2yo only just gone to sleep, how is that possible, I took him for a massive hike before. Hope he's not back on the cocaine.

50 cent 'Lols' a lot doesn't he, I imagine him staring at his Laptop laughing like a mad man.

Ben bought me breakfast in bed, I ate a piece of toast and saw a mangled pigeon feather on the plate, it must have drifted in the kitchen.

5yo made Ben a card to make him feel better, he wrote, "To Dad, you have a brilliant xbox. love Branden"

The Bin men have just been..On Good Friday!!!! The whole Close just ran out with thier bins, it was like a scene from 'Chariots of Fire'.

I dont like Water chestnuts and Rhubarb.... Write that down and keep it safe.

I keep forgetting to put my milk bottles out, so theres like ten out there now.....I do hope people don't think the milkmans dead.