I first adopted Joey in 2009. The saintly @stephenfry explains why the primate pet trade must end. @wildfutures http://t.co/O63s2wN5

Jeremy Clarkson, a man who literally got fat on the licence fee wants public sector workers "shot in front of their families". Twat #oneshow

A fantastic launch for the #TryReading #RugbyLeague campaign in #Hull hosted and led by @hull_libraries and starring @tompalmerauthor #win

Please vote for @hull_libraries on the #GoldenTwits website under Public Services and Customer Service sections  http://ow.ly/f9RZU 

@janetedavis Ooh, snap. I did one today! http://pseudograph-pseudography.blogspot.com/2011/01/two-birds-one-stone.html @squarish @konnolsky

@meehanmedia RT @cmdr_hadfield: English clouds showing how to properly queue over Hull and the Humber Estuary. pic.twitter.com/aWYEVy7zyu

In just those two words, "I'm fine", Graham Norton was funnier than Alan Carr through his entire career. #baftas2013

It seems that more and more questions on #bbcqt are designed to get a row rather than an answer. Boring. 'It's blue!! No. It's red'. #FFS

"We believe culture will increase employment & focus attention on this great city": Cllr Geraghty at #TryReading launch at @hull_libraries

Is digital changing the nature of communications? #ukgc13 @annemcx leading

Did they just hop away? Victoria Square, Hull. pic.twitter.com/GvlZOH3R

#Missing #cat: last seen in Adelaide Street, #Hull on Christmas Eve. Grey tabby with 1 ear floppy. Called Oscar. Please tweet me if found.

Can anyone tell me what actually happened in #Hunted, cos it makes no fecking sense at all in this house. #tenhoursiwillnotgetback

And before I forget, the moment where Amy Winehouse was cut short was poignant; nicely done. #olympicceremony

@bmwelby @adamjennison Remember - Twitter is a security risk. Skype is a security risk. The only secure system is a switched off system.

A rain-sodden nation brainlessly celebrates another 60 years of being too immature to choose its own head of state. #vote #jubilee

@starsparkle_uk I was 11. Queeny drove past our school. We didn't care. They made us line the road. We threw mud at her car @tvpsychologist

Manchester United are now playing with an extra man, according to @bbc5live. It's the bloke with the whistle again isn't it? #facup

Oh God. Here comes @ns_mehdihasan with those troublesome "facts" again. #bbcqt

@scotwriter @baldymemike @ninasquires Wax on... <complete that for your very own DIY wank joke>