I've got the worst sleep hangover that can only be cured with another highball of nap.

EVERYONE IS BEAUTIFUL is total bullshit! There's such thing as psychopaths that have contempt for ppl and no empathy.

Imitation is the most sincerest form of flattery, and theft / copyright infringement.

This passionate fruit tazo iced tea has too much ice and not enough passion.

Pickup line: You look like you were beaten with the beauty stick!

All I want for dinner tonight is toast. Or lobster thermidor aux crevettes. I just can't decide! #decisionsdecisions

Woohoo!!! I just surpassed a dozen followers! So THIS is what it feels like to be on a rocket blasting into the tweetosphere!

2 week old dying tulips in an optic eyes 1950s vase is better than no tulips in an optic eyes 1950s vase.

I'm only scared of three things in this world: fish, al qaeda, and awkward social situations.

If I had only one wish, I'd wish my chihuahuas could be trained to do my laundry. "Shakeapaw" just isn't doing it for me anymore.

Life is too short to spend time sorting and matching socks.

There is nothing wrong if you go for botox just because the doctor at the walk-in clinic is advertising 30% off.

I don't want to work. I just wanna sit around and wait for Madonna's new album to come out.

There aren't many things better in this world than bracelets and cream cheese icing.

Every now and then I want to ride a motorcycle and scream "Wooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

If Madonna wants to come clean my house wearing a blond ponytail, her suit pants and conical bra circa Blond Ambition, I won't stop her.

In my opinion, the vocal range of Mariah Carey is accounted for by the fact that she's simply an alien.

AIDS Awareness Day! Hey, you, don't be silly, put a condom on your willy!

What I learned tonight at the Golden Globes:

Pre-Botox = 😞

Post-Botox = 😳

Hello October,
I'm disappointed in you because Halloween isn't a holiday that results in a day off work. Make it happen!