Chase someone across a street, get hit by car, roll off windshield, and keep chasing target. #moviethingstodobeforeidie

The Earl of Grantham + Mr. Bates = television's best bromance. #DowntonAbbey #DowntonPBS

People swearing they won’t see a Star Wars movie not “written and directed” by George Lucas must have hated “The Empire Strikes Back.”

Twitter, if I wanted a McAfee update every 10 min., I’d still be running Windows.

Shouldn’t joke about such things. I never ran Windows.

How I Met, Wooed, Married, Then Alienated and Was Ultimately Abandoned By Your Mother #depressingsitcoms

Superman Returns With Pie #AddWithPieToTitles

There needs to be a #DowntonAbbey spinoff in which the dowager countess just makes phone calls and makes cutting remarks. #DowntonPBS

All Dogs Go Into Cardiac Arrest #UnnecessaryPrequels

I Hate Myself For Loving Q #SciFiSongs

I put a mace in the hand of a toddler wailing at the gate of the newly constructed Fort Sporting Goods. “Defend it.” #TalesFromBlackFriday

There’s an easy trick for knowing which people to avoid reading in online comments: They’re the ones posting online comments.

The Fresh Prince of bell hooks #LeftWingSitcoms

Overhead, the competing alien races clash. They have heard that this planet is 60% off, but only for one rotation. #TalesFromBlackFriday

iPod classic: “Still alive, old friend.” http://t.co/KPod9mkY

Hot rumor: Apple will unveil an iPad mini an hour or so ago!

It’s National Introvert Day, so hug an introvert today. Make sure it’s in front of people. Maybe have them make a small speech.

Occupy Whoville #RejectedChristmasSpecials

One lucky voter will get a Golden Ballot, which entitles them to tour the Democracy Factory and see the Oompa-Loompas! #PolicyWonka

In "Hotel California," when the lady says "we are all just prisoners here of our own device," she means the iPhone, right?

Don't criticize those who are poor judges of character. Some of my best friends are poor judges of character.