@unvirtuousabbey but in the valley of the shadow of death i only get two bars

Remember your rights RT @iscoff: Cops are legally required to tell you what their favourite movie is, otherwise it's Entrapment (1999)

@grifteezy: #WhatIYellDuringOrgasn "milk, loaf of bread, eggs..." "krishna Krishna hare hare" "one Mississippi two Mississippi..." "lawsuit"

@mikko Also, keep Mission Impossible theme music at the ready for use at the post office, in the frozen foods aisle, while fixing the sink.

@santinodela replying like nobody is writing, hope you don't mind

Imagine all them kitty cats with FB profiles..."is this Fluffy McMitterkin's real and legal name? Y/N" http://t.co/FjBIY99L via @sfslim

Curry. Cigarettes. Seashells. Bitcoin. Marks notched in twigs. Stones. Salt. One trillion pieces of paper stored in a chunk of platinum.

@rachelhaywire A reframing of the disability discussion away from handicap accommodations and towards quality of life and possibility.

collaboratively filtering false positives saves lives. post faux Sandy photo recap at the Atlantic via @alexismadrigal  http://bit.ly/TniSSs 

Toe socks: because what I really needed was off by one problems with my feet.

@grifteezy vegan licorice whips. fair-trade twinkies. cruelty-free cheez whiz. biodegradable blueberry muffins.

Fake geek boys smh writin all these device drivers just to fit in. You don't fool me kid, what are the names of the power rangers

You know that thing where a word is repeated so much within a certain time period that it loses all meaning and becomes funny? Pope.

And even if it's Sunday may I be wrong / For wherever men are right they are not young MT @santinodela: e.e. cummings pic.twitter.com/DOPT3xO1Bk

@dymaxion We need a word suggesting a familiarity b/w "dawg" and "muffin", with earnestness of "comrade" and solemnity of "glittertits".

Loving the @grifteezy rebrand, Weird Twitter is picking up its game and moving into the next era of market-aware profanity #CrushWave

@grifteezy weak and i was never good at it. I miss the edges you bump into as yourself. Burnout in two years or quit censoring, easy choice.

Shoutout to the social branding expert who just followed me. WAT RT @grifteezy: i gender identify as a tray of gas station nachos

Trivial Pursuit is dead. Long live the search engine.

@dakami psssh. If god had wanted us to share data, he wouldn't have invented research journals.