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Sometimes I think I'm the girl you date just before you meet the right girl.
I've accepted that I will never truly understand men. To the best of my deductive reasoning men are made of meat, cheese and porn.
It would be considered the walk of shame. 1. If I could walk and 2. If I was ashamed
If the fate of the world depended on my falling asleep and waking up at 10am you'd all be goners.
You can't keep a good woman down.. Unless its head pinned to the pillow lightly choked and taken from behind
If you hear a girl yell out “By the power of Grey Skull!!!”
Congratulations we’re in the same bathroom.
Clearly you're a man of distinction hitting on girl in the tampon aisle.
Well played sir. Well played.
I miss being entirely lost in someone
When I committed to no more beer before bed, I never said anything about whiskey.
Girl math: For every bad photo your friends tag you in on FB, you must add 3 hot recent ones.
Pretty sure Darth Vader is behind me in line. I'm afraid to look.
I don't know why guys give that up once they know they have you. It kinda ruins the fun of it all.
I like to drunk dial the IRS
Relationship status : it’s complicated with benefits and alcohol
So I needed Lube, go ahead unfollow you frigid bitches.
I just want to rock one persons world for the rest of my life.
I will just end up hurting someone who doesn't deserve it. So as it turns out maybe I was in love after all.
You can make me show up, but don't expect me to give a fuck.
Eating right is a cake walk compared to eliminating the "F Bomb" out of my vocabulary.
That pretty much describes my hormones right now. I want fight, fuck and kill anything in my path.