Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Driving my aunts BMW today, I just indicated, fuck, now everyone knows its not mine
My auto-correct changes my "omg" to "OMG" - like calm down bro, I'm not THAT shocked
I'm sad cos I didn't get a Playstation for Christmas. Someone console me.
Having a bad start to the day?
Remember there are people who have their ex's names tattooed on them
According to astronomy, when u wish upon a star you're actually a few million years late. That star is dead. Just like your dreams
Walk up to Capetonians on the street and say, "I love your blog!" You'll make 3 out of 5 of them very happy
I'm quite confident that the reason I am single Is because I didn't forward that chain letter in 2008
When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower gets turned on.
When you look at Twitter's trending topics, it's a lot easier to understand why they have to write "Do Not Eat" on silica packets
Oh, your account is protected? What do you tweet? Nuclear launch codes?
If your name is Alice, and you haven't named your lady parts Wonderland you fail at life
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
My ID photo basically shows what I would look like if I were a Meth Addict
Never treat someone like an iPhone when they treat you like a BlackBerry.
Head of Social Media @iclinical | Unlike Rick Astley, my tweets are likely to let you down | Pandas | Viking | Being Tall | #LongHairDontCare