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Driving my aunts BMW today, I just indicated, fuck, now everyone knows its not mine
My auto-correct changes my "omg" to "OMG" - like calm down bro, I'm not THAT shocked
According to astronomy, when u wish upon a star you're actually a few million years late. That star is dead. Just like your dreams
Walk up to Capetonians on the street and say, "I love your blog!" You'll make 3 out of 5 of them very happy
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
Wanna know why all Hurricanes are named after woman? Cos they come in wet and wild and leave with your car and your house #irene
If your name is Alice, and you haven't named your lady parts Wonderland you fail at life
I bet hipsters love Mondays just to be ironic, but mostly because they're unemployed.
Dear Girls. If he WANTED to be with you, he would be with you, and make mountains move to make it happen. Learn this. Love Me!
10 YouTube Videos Every Entrepreneur Should Watch | http://Inc.com http://www.inc.com/ss/10-youtube-videos-every-entrepreneur-should-watch …
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
I got 99 Tabs open, work ain't one
So, marijuana is legalised and Twinkies goes bankrupt all in one month - well played America. Well played.
Unlike Rick Astley, my tweets are likely to let you down | Loves Pandas | Day dreams a lot | Impressed daily by Google | Social Media and PPC Princess | Runner