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Tonight's celebratory dinner menu for all Minnesotans:
Hot dogs for the guys
Tacos for the ladies
"almost remarkable" is the most Minnesotan phrase I have ever heard.
I’ve got 99 problems and they’re all degrees.
Crazy weather yesterday. Thunder rain?! So messed up!
Mark Wheat Presents: The Annoying As Fuck Music Hour
Vice taxes are too high! I can no longer afford to clamp these pieces of wood!
Someone write a Yahoo Answer to why I keep clicking Yahoo Answers pages in search of actual information.
You know all those people who are too stuck up to say hello or stick around and chat? Well, turns out I'm one of them and we're just shy.
Maybe it was just that someone accidentally set Low to 33 and they should have been at 45. Check the speed knob next time!
Let me clarify: no topic is off limits for jokes. But when you joke about a terribly sensitive topic, know why you're joking and be clever.
What happens to a loan deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
I hope so.
Arrested Development makes me want to be a better writer.
Most common question from my wife: "Is that a thing, or are you making a pun?"
Snow complainers get their summer cancelled.
Do we really have to specify "ground turkey" like there's some sort of tree turkey?
Lots of new feces on the Twins roster this year.
I guess I'm a lot like George W Bush because I have a lot of unpopular opinions, like that Kokomo is my favorite Beach Boys song. Also I was president once.