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I bet the snakes have their alternate history, like "Today we celebrate escaping that hellhole of Ireland."
The paradox of Ann Coulter is how she can be a smelly cunt and a giant douche at the same tine.
I forgot to mention in my HOT COFFEE review that every time I see Sen. Franken in action, he's even more of a hero to me. #sfiff
CHILD'S PLAY IN MY PANTS #moviesinmypants
Open up Ryan Gosling, here comes the airplane into the hangar! (note: not a sex joke) http://www.happyplace.com/23833/ryan-gosling-wont-eat-his-cereal …
I've been sitting on a Mooninite joke since 2007 just waiting for a bomb in Boston. Now it seems kinda pointless. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2007_Boston_bomb_scare …
I'd try to make an offensive joke about Roger Ebert's passing, but it would just get a thumbs down.
I'm celebrating Passover by getting so wasted that if the Angel of Death comes by he'll take one look and think he's already been here.
Okay, you doubters who thought it couldn't be done. I actually spent all Thursday without having a drink.
Girl Scout cookies are on sale! $4 each, but the girls didn't have any $1's to make change. Solution - I bought 5 boxes.
Let's delay the fiscal cliff until April 1, then every year delay it one more year? That reflects Congress' sense of fiscal responsibility.
My sister: I was going to get pumpkin vodka, but I didn't know what to mix with it. Me: you mix the sad desperation of life.
Just to make sure...Florida can have its 10-day recount wank-fest and it doesn't change the result, right?
I'm Jason. I'm a physicist/systems engineer. I am the cure for cancer. I watch a lot of movies. And I'm a festering bastard