if harry potter doesn't win this shit i will kill myself

i've never met a gay boy i secretly didn't wanna kill

what a lovely, shady morning we're having here in Tampa, Florida today.

double penetration is the new single penetration

I'd never fuck someone who didn't use proper punctuation in a text message.

oh hey there cloud nine ☁⛅

apparently I have a pretty mouth

god i hate being pregnant

i hate when my nude photos leak onto the internet :(

i used to be attracted to boys who would lie to me.

it's such a disappointment that there are actually people in this world who could be this cruel. i hope their... http://t.co/71lipLti

mighty fine only gets you somewhere half the time.

just survived my first 3-way call attack

i wonder if Hamburger Mary's is gonna add a new appetizer to their menu called "2Girls1Cup" #notclearon

Dear xanax, I love you.

@cocaine_dealer #legit question http://t.co/Pen4xy2k

@daveysohaunted herrrrooo? http://t.co/7OarqoAi

I married the night & I ejaculated in its face.

my least favorite Christmas gift this year is definitely this hangover.

everytime you masturbate, God creates a new Kardashian show on the E! network