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Coors lite: the equivalent of a cheerleader's piss on a Monday after a weekend of drinking keystone.
Apparently I need to be more sensitive. But I don't know how. So, fuck it.
If the best news of your life isn't that you're not pregnant, theres something seriously something wrong with you.
Dentist tells u not to smoke or eat solid food, yet gives u a script that will give u make u crave food and cigs. He's an ass hole.
If your cat has a middle and last name, you either need to get laid or consider a crack binge to spice up your life.
I'm the only individual in my immediate vicinity that doesn't reek of booze... I need to get a move on
Well this is just fucking fantastic.
Vicodin and red bull could quite possibly be the best two substances to combine while at work.
I was down with opp until I found out what opp meant about 45 seconds ago
Some men have more Dick in their personality than they do in their pants.
I need a little fuck it in my life.
I'm not old, but I can appreciate the hell out of a bag of werther's originals.
Good things come to those who wait... I call bull shit.
There's not many things that will actually make me uncomfortable, with the exception of a woman on the verge of 60 talking about huge dicks
Pretty sure that all the life lessons I've learned could have been done a lot sooner had I watched the entire series of sanford and son
Unless you want to take me to a Brazilian steak house and pay for my dinner, you have no business asking me what time I get out of work.
Ever call someone hoping to get their voicemail and they fuck it up by answering?
Let's not beat around the bush. If you wanna bone, just say you wanna bone.
If you know who Dominic the donkey is I'd totally blow you.
If I had a flame thrower people would be a lot nicer to me