Kim Kardashian's new husband looks like the world's tallest toddler

Twinkle Twinkle little whore, close your legs, you aren't a door

Grammar: the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit

Whenever I get my period at work, I scream out "I'm hemorraghing" until my boss comes into the stall and awkwardly explains menstruation

Oh what a surprise the unicorn speaks Spanish, how convenient for you Dora

Sex in the shower is a great idea but I haven't met the man that has mastered it

#tipsforLadies Men love boobies. Men love looking at boobies. Stop the bitching and let them look

Remember; No matter how good she looks, somewhere, someone
is sick of her shit

#tipsforladies stop expecting men to be mind readers. If they ask 'what's wrong' and you answer with a sullen 'Nothing' you are the cunt

46 days to go #GoT #S3

RT if you don't give a shit about Hunger Games

I don't watch Glee but Lea Michele has a very punchable face

If I win the Mega Millions I'm going to buy 1 hour of time on XM/Sirius from 10-11am and have @patfuckinduffy beat the shit out of @notsam

I'm moving in 2 speeds today. Slow and 'Joe-Paterno-reporting-a-co-worker-raping-kids' slow

I wonder how many people have the name Unique and don't get
the irony

11 followers away from 500...who do I have to blow to get a nice
even 500? RT at your pleasure

Ron Bennington is cooler than everyone at Sirius

Dana vs Kokomo and the winner is Darwin

I can't stop laughing...what a trainwreck Kokomo and Dana are. off the Queen's tit you two

What do Paris Hilton & Leann Rimes have in common? They have both blocked me on twitter #win