When I brush my teeth and my toothbrush makes me gag but you don't, how unfortunate.

I am a pretty piece of flesh...
Please bite me!

I will let you Skype my ass but on one condition... You have to be naked.

Time for the most important meal of the day... Eat me!

Starfucking everything you say must mean its true love right?

Twitter changes people

Why do you always make me have to bite my lip?!

If I understand your bullshit & stick around through all your fuck ups and smile at you even though you do nothing for me... I'm a keeper.

Hey married guy, how about you buy me a drink? NO!
Well then quit fucking looking at me.

Life's a bunch of bullshit & sexual innuendos

I'm claiming you as my pet!

Just found out that a boy I know is engaged. Guess I'll delete his cock pictures off my phone...

Milk.... The other white drink!

We barely talk anymore and your starfucks don't happen as often as they should. Is that what life will look like being married to you?

Batman panties is where it's at!

You do wonders for my libido!

A little bit of pain does a body good!

I Like Candy that grows in my mouth and not in your hand!

Sleep deprivation is a bitch and so are you.

Just ran over road kill like it was your face! Take that motherfucker.