my teacher seriously just called out the Asian kid. She legit said "You from Vietnam? I know how to spot orientals."

SHARK JESUS DIED FOR YOUR FINS

DJ JESUS DIED FOR YOUR SPINS

Just because I'm only 19 years old doesn't mean I won't sleep with you for money, homeless man on corner.

Hey twitter, IF IT AIN'T BROKE DON'T FIX IT

QUIT POOPING RIGHT BEFORE I BRUSH MY TEETH 😖

634 blowjobs in 5 days..I'm really quite tired.

Oh, my tongues the only muscle on my body that works harder than my heart.

"If we broke up would you make me rub my scarf on my butt or something so you could keep it?"

I hate carrying in groceries. That's why I pretend to have to pee when I get home.

If I had a star for every black penis I've seen, maybe my mom would love me.

Can you idiots not see that my hazards are on? It doesn't mean I'm turning both ways at once...it means my car is fucked.

#bitcheslovenutella

Like JB would ever be starving, homeless, OR broke.

I just took a breath.

I wish that before you talked to a person there would be a label on them like "I'm a two faced whore bitch." that would make life easier.

Shut your dick warmer

whatever kids call it these day

HUNTER JESUS DIED FOR YOUR SKINS

Quitting smoking cold turkey was easy for me. Quitting smoking tobacco on the other hand, was quite a challenge.