@raiselm's (rhymes with hazel) most faved Tweets...
If Columbus would have stopped to ask directions, we'd be in the Caribbean now.
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Turns out pie isn't as easy as they say.
In my defense, the only reason I wang chunged tonight was because I was told everyone else was doing it.
Does this mullet make me look like I bought my tube-top at Walmart?
I call bullshit on that "energizing" soap this morning.
The concept of atoning for an entire year of sins is flawed. I can barely remember last Thursday.
Hi my name is RaiselM, I like bacon, donuts and burritos. I have Twitter Addiction with Favestar OCD. Is there any coffee?
Does this collection of little dolls resembling my coworkers make me look like a sociopath?
First you sort the M&Ms by color, then eat colors from greatest to least quantity. Because *that's* how my OCD works.
If I die here at this Scrabble board, I just want the record to show that I scored over 90 points for Qualm
You may call them typos, I just call them reminders that I *am* human. (sigh)
Facebook just recommended a high school friend's father as my friend. I'm gonna hang out here at the cool kids table and drink to forget.
8 Y-O (while playing video game) "hold on, I'm saving the universe"
Pro-Tip: distribute candy wrappers in trashcans throughout the house. This way there is not enough evidence to incriminate.
Which one of you pranksters snuck into my closet and made my pants too small?
I don't *get* Fantasy Football. But I probably can master Fantasy Dessert Buffet.
Just checked on sleeping kids. 8's PJ pants were on floor next to his bed. This is all your fault, Twitter.
NO Facebook, I do not want to start a farm or become a Mafia boss. When you have an app that will deliver donuts to me, we'll talk.
I'm wearing my new glasses today. I hope I don't make a spectacle of myself.
<crickets>
I'll go un-follow myself now.
In my house the day after we change the clocks is known as "what the hell is the time?" day.
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