Dave & Busters: where parents regret having children in the first place

What this Bat Mitzvah cocktail party needs is bacon wrapped scallops.

Pro Tip: turn your keyboard clicks "off" when tweeting during a high level, strategic meeting.

There's nothing like a 4-hour team building training to make a beautiful May Friday feel like a February Tuesday.

So much for the possibility of Dr. Joyce Brothers making a guest appearance on Psych. #RIP

"Suspect in custody." Best three words ever.

Peace and quiet. That's what we all want.

RIP Beach Blanket Bingo

Like Exxon, there's a cease and desist order against posting photos and videos of me between ages 12-15.

RIP The Preppy Look

So, apparently a leavening coma *is* a thing.

@some1s_sista MIND MELD!

When did Huey Lewis turn into Sol Greenburg, DDS? #DWTS

Social networking: when I turn to Twitter to check if Tumblr is still down.

Hey guys...PARTY AT THE SISTINE CHAPEL! (Smoke 'em if you've got 'em) #popewatch

Thinking about adopting a conclave of cardinals method of communicating when I make important decisions. White smoke = burritos for dinner!

If there's one thing I've learned from Jane Austin books, it's to avoid people coughing blood into their fancy lace trimmed handkerchiefs.

Why aren't more Bar Mitzvahs held in bars?

My primary Sunday activity will be to match the dog fart for fart. So far it's going very well. *faints*

Daniel Day Lewis is all class #Oscars