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"Dude, you're too old to be of interest to cougars" is something I tell myself sadly while clubbing but happily while backpacking.
The murder weapon was concealed in a vat of tapioca. The proof is in the pudding.
I fucking love science. And profanity. Profanity a little bit more, tbh.
if you leave me a voicemail I'll consider you a monster and never speak to you again
nothing else turns me into a wild-eyed anarchist ready to smash the state as the annual HR self evaluation and performance review
kind of sad how nothing is 'da bomb' anymore
Someone ought to put rubber grips on microphones so people stop dropping their mics all the time.
You'd be impressed with how little I know.
There's so much I want to tell her, really pour my heart out to her but the emoji hasn't been released for Android yet.
"We Built this City on Rock and Roll" explains why the current infrastructure is such shit
Live each day like it's the Mayan apocalypse
Why do we yell at children to tell them to stop yelling? Because it works.
the fact that I know what S.H.I.E.L.D stands for makes me question what I've been doing with my life
Forensic accountant has to be the most exciting name for a boring job. Software architect is a close second.
people who go on about "common sense" are usually pretty stupid
nothing destroys the illusion of being a grownup quite as much as packing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch
the way things are going this weekend I might as well be somebody's sobriety coach
Jelly is my jam
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!
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