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Am I the only one that drives by the Dollar Tree store everyday hoping that they have installed gas pumps?
I learned on 60 minutes that Lady Gaga goes to the "cloud" to help her write her music. The best reason I have ever heard to just say no.
Just woke up from a cold-induced coma.Can anyone explain why all the carnies are protesting on Wall Street? Who is manning the tilt-o-whirl?
A show that had film crews that followed ice storms to capture cars spinning out of control would be more watched than tornado chasers.
Whenever I see a mime acting like they are in a box, I can't help but break out my Pitt Se7en impersonation by yelling 'What's in the BOX?!"
If Casey Anthony is found not guilty, I hope she immediately starts a whirlwind romance with OJ Simpson.
If I was a judge, I would sentence all homeless people that appear before me to house arrest until I solved all homelessness.
You would be hard pressed to find anything sexier than a woman laughing hard, which then triggers their smokers coughing attack. Hot...
I had a great dream last night. I made a phone call and heard; "Thank you for calling Taco Bell, will this be for delivery or pick up".
New Law - Approach people from the front of their workstation. Penalty for non-compliance - Unsterilized scissors plunged into your thigh.
The sun will not come out tomorrow. Annie are okay, are you okay Annie? - The stupid dub mashup in my head 24/7....
I am so lazy, I just claimed Kyle Orton off of waivers to throw the football to my kids.
Reggie Bush has an active groin. Hold it, wrong order...Reggie Bush is active with his groin...Wait, Reggie Bush (groin) active...that's it.
If they say Life of Pie one more time, I am going to need to find a Perkins Restaurant.
I hope to leave the world just as I found it, except on fire and in total chaos.
