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"How old are you?" "Three" "When do you turn four?" "On my birthday"
I don't fight with my text editor; it lifts me, like a God, magnificent
Coffee is not the answer. Coffee is the question, and the answer is, "don't ask me any more questions until I've had my coffee."
Words that burn the air at HQ: "windows", "subversion", "node"
Twerking hard or hardly twerking
OH: "I know where you sleep." "Really?" "I could find out where you sleep."
I like listening to jazz, but I'm afraid it's making my kids smarter, and I just don't have time for that right now.
I used to hate Perl, but then I realized I was evaluating it in the wrong context.
"Petraeus Grilled Over Susan Rice" sounds delicious
"Look at my dress, daddy!" - my son, talking about his pants and shirt. Because he got dressed. English is weird.
IF JIRA IS NOT AN ACRONYM THEN WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?
There's no documentation like $HOME/.bash_history
Especially when it's a followup to a tweet you posted earlier which nobody can find now.