Every time I grab the Nutella jar, I hear two voices in my head. One says “Do it!” and the other one says “Yeah, you heard him. Do it!”

Instagram is the new "بسم الله" before you eat.

Hey girls, if a guy pauses a video game just to text u back, it's his friend texting you while the guy continues playing. Marry his friend.

My rap name would have been "Lil Asaf". #للأسف

Not only did I trip and fall, but I didn't even land facing the Qiblah! #MuslimRage

#ArabIdol makes me see the close similarity between the word "idol" and "idiot".

Strip Club Sandwich, same as a Club Sandwich, but no dressing.

بين اللحظة التي ينزلق فيها الهاتف من بين أصابعي واللحظة التي يرتطم فيها بالأرض، تمر في رأسي كل الشتائم والمسبات التي أعرفها، وبكل اللغات.

"@" is how "a" signs its checks.

RIP Neil Armstrong, the first man to experience weight loss without the need for a diet. :(

"حياتي كلها شهر عسل." — نحلة.

Yahoo في عين أمه Google

Eat, Pray, Eat Again #RamadanMovies

ٮحٮ اں ٮصع الٮٯط على الحروٯ

خير الأمور أوسطها *gives middle finger*

Here's an idea: Books without covers. No one can judge them any more. You're welcome.

If Snoop Dogg told me his hobby was sculpting, I’d be like “Fo’ chisel?” and we’d high-five and laugh endlessly.

Adam and Eve soon realized that an apple a day keeps Eden away.

My superpower is the ability to lose in a win-win situation.

RTing every compliment you get is like touching yourself in public. It might give YOU pleasure, but people would rather not see you do it.