@randomfreak's (Flora the Mad) most faved Tweets...
Well, if I didn't have it before, I'm pretty sure I developed a nice Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from my trip to the bathroom just now.
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Eyes are the windows to the soul. Windows are the windows to what goes on inside while you're outside. AND I just ashed on my cat so yeah.
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Give a man a fish, & he'll probably be mauled by a gang of unruly cats as he's on his way home. That's how my uncle lost an eye. True story.
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If I wasn't feeling so run down, I'd do an interpretive dance about how run dwn I feel. Just picture me crying & drooling on myself instead.
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Guys? When did Cracker Barrel cheese stop tasting like delicious fromage & start tasting like melted lego parts and dog hair?
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Protip: Feeling overly confident in mankind? Feeling cocky about being a part of a superior species? Go read some Youtube comments. Tah dah!
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The bar for douchebaggery was set. Pretty high actually. And then Kanye jumped over it, peed on it, then made obscene phonecalls to its mom.
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I tend to think history would've been very different if the Third Reich had gone w/the duck-waddle instead of the goose-step.
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In order to assuage my frustration last night, I apparently jumped in the pool. At least I hope that's what happened, since my pants are wet
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So not shooting the deputy is supposed to make shooting the sheriff alright, is it? Well, you obviously didn't go to law school, Bob Marley.
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Know what would make this cup of water even better? If it was garnished w/lime. And was a vodka/tonic. And could give me the ability to fly.
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It occurs to me that learning to fly a helicopter won't do me a lick of good once the zombies learn to fly. Flying zombies. Hello nightmares
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True facts: In 1991, Tony Danza put baby in a corner. And Patrick Swayze didn't say one damned thing about it.
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What's the protocol for using a particular laundry machine for the last time? Do I A) choke bck the tears, B) sob w/abandon or C) pee in it?
5
I celebrated your Irish heritage yesterday by being Mexican & drinking a Korean beer I had in my fridge. It was all very Benetton.
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