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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • randomisms
      randomisms @randomisms

    Gift @randomisms Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 390
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    MichaelDwalkersjunkiepussyMolotovJohnnybehindyourbackonume_missingblakesmattheroldMyHairyLife______
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    MichaelDwalkersMolotovJohnnyJ_OHHHHHonume_OriginalEvillM_Desosabrinaenriqz____Yofiez
    nikhimself
  • randomisms
      randomisms @randomisms

    I only fell off the wagon because I was drunk.

    • 299
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    ddean6678GrumpyBahrstacywawa1MolotovJohnnylikealumberjackbehindyourbackMyHairyLife______Stexcy
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    DecervelageGrumpyBahrMolotovJohnnyCleatus1935TheChrisAngel____StarULongtime____CuffeStuffkinseynb
    ThatsAFakeLaugh__
  • randomisms
      randomisms @randomisms

    They named it "Jersey Shore" because "The Biggest Loser" was already taken.

    • 234
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    MolotovJohnnybehindyourbackblakeahendersonmissingblakesMyHairyLife______StexcySuMacDanCoatCzech
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    sweetandweak______daniel24vLoSoOunTMTristessa_27isabellemaximelitgasmMissChelseaDemiLy_leafsgirl
    eugem
  • randomisms
      randomisms @randomisms

    I try to live every day like my last but people are starting to get annoyed with my daily phone calls sobbing hysterically.

    • 246
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    dunwithtylerjosjunkiepussystacywawa1MolotovJohnnybehindyourbackCoatCzechRockVDoeubu4roi
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    MolotovJohnnyBlue_Skyzzzsweetandweak______JackDaniel98989MariahKKhanMeg_Va____________TheChrisAngel____Murray_Burns
    fuddlemark
  • randomisms
      randomisms @randomisms

    This white zinfandel has notes of forever alone with a slight finish of cat lady.

    • 214
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    MolotovJohnnymattheroldXavier88SirFlushaLotHFMRidesweetandweak______ColoChiverhellyeah63
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    sweetandweak______hellyeah63Murray_BurnsTheNuclearAgechi_steiner______ash_monica________DatingMaryxysmas
    DickCharmingPrincess_Bop______
  • randomisms
      randomisms @randomisms

    One in three Americans is obese, but one in eight is starving. I wonder if this explains why one in ten is missing.

    • 170
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    MolotovJohnnyCoatCzechRockVDoesweetandweak______ColoChivernemoflakesT5UK45Alancevarnado
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    Murray_Burnsronzoni1CanadiaDeSangreCoolPolarBearLawSchoolBlonde__rcguateJconner05MARKELLAMS
    TheBleve____________
  • randomisms
      randomisms @randomisms

    I've always hated the word "spouse". Sounds like something you'd find latched onto your skin or leaving shit all over your house.


    Oh.

    • 189
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    MolotovJohnnybehindyourbackmattheroldCoatCzechRockVDoesweetandweak______ColoChiverdamitwthoutthed
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    stellabelleSomeOtherSonoramt4704favstar1000favswafer_thin_mintvehementdesireChyldjustdeezart
  • randomisms
      randomisms @randomisms

    I'm not saying this PMS is bad, but I just ate last year's Christmas chocolate, Valentine's candy, and an orphan.

    • 179
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    MolotovJohnnymattheroldCoatCzechRockVDoeubu4roi123winksweetandweak______nemoflakes
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    sweetandweak______ChloeepTylerStillsfavstar1000favsFilterlessGirlsnaomiiiiiFavstar500Favs__Smooshie1592
  • randomisms
      randomisms @randomisms

    I always introduce technology to people, and then I walk in on them fucking technology in the bathroom and feel dumb.

    • 180
    • LIKES
    MolotovJohnnyhiitsmollysramcrem__joshbupkesTheWoodenslurpyLoremIpsum00slygoteVocabuLarry
    • 9
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    sramcrem__behindyourbackCuffeStuffwafer_thin_mintDjJazzyJeffro__juniorspecialfavstar1000favsurbanprojectz
  • randomisms
      randomisms @randomisms

    Trying to be funny is like trying to force a fart - it never turns out quite as you expect and you'll likely have to leave the room.

    • 152
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    MolotovJohnnyCoatCzechRockVDoeJillFenderxXxCraigIeroxXxjimmykinkadefuddlemarkMr__Grape
    • 25
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    FraseTerperCrossfireGunsTX__nicky_nicolaMrSomiadeleerekfavstar1000favsjvdhShillyShallyNix
    tnylgn
  • randomisms
      randomisms @randomisms

    "Ass, young blonde. Hot."

    -Captain Picard, discovering the food replicators make more than just tea

    • 137
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    MolotovJohnnybehindyourbackRockVDoenemoflakeswhodoblueberrykylemicunique938288405CanadiaDeSangre
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    NickStarrjohnberrmTinsleyMusichnybomorbislameJason_maybealligator13markcda____
    Bauart
  • randomisms
      randomisms @randomisms

    Guess I could go do the dishes since life has no meaning.

    • 164
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    MolotovJohnnyberriesnbearsLauraPalmer198__AndrewR31RockVDoesweetandweak______ColoChivermetafroth
    • 6
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    vivalacrapgoodburrito__blissoverjoyedfavstar1000favsFavstar500Favs__Charl3tas
    vivalacrap
  • randomisms
      randomisms @randomisms

    Going to apply to the local paper without a resume. Instead, I'm taking last week's edition with all of the grammatical errors highlighted.

    • 153
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    SamLooniejunkiepussyMolotovJohnnyCoatCzechRockVDoesweetandweak______nemoflakesmetafroth
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    MolotovJohnnymaurieb82thitherto__UNCLEMIKETWEETSjackiejeanbeanelizabethdamarobradcornerfavstar1000favs
    paul_shinn
  • randomisms
      randomisms @randomisms

    I'm not interested in Halloween. Being an adult means I can buy candy anytime and being attractive means I can get laid without a costume.

    • 158
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    sweetnothings73nyapplegirljunkiepussyxJLynnMolotovJohnnyCoatCzechRockVDoeColoChiver
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    xJLynnMolotovJohnnyTonjajean1________SoulPunk007______favstar1000favsFavstar500Favs__Chyldkissmeladyhank__
  • randomisms
      randomisms @randomisms

    I finally figured out how U2 got their name.

    "I hate this band."

    "Oh, U2?"

    • 121
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    Rosie_ZadiniadunwithtylerjosjunkiepussyBratishPoddarMolotovJohnnyrDanielcCoatCzechRockVDoe
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    Rosie_ZadiniajayscarbluepotatomatoessMolotovJohnnydetroit_etLAgirlLAworldvic_toria_marienonstopawesome
  • randomisms
      randomisms @randomisms

    People draft tweets? I sound this stupid without practice.

    • 144
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    MolotovJohnnyCoatCzechsweetandweak______metafrothunique938288405jimmykinkadenavanaxHormonella
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    TheCLJTheChrisAngel____HollidayDoc1______favstar1000favsrenojenn__________Favstar500Favs__
  • randomisms
      randomisms @randomisms

    I'm awake, and I think that's where today went wrong.

    • 142
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    MolotovJohnnyCoatCzechmsred1973metafrothfastmofobansheenavanaxCanadiaDeSangreDoveStyles
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    __BojanLindseyy_Anneheyitstonyapueblokcfavstar1000favsgemelvFavstar500Favs__TomasJonsen______
  • randomisms
      randomisms @randomisms

    My new diet plan is to watch Hoarders every time I'm hungry.

    • 136
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    MolotovJohnnyColoChivernemoflakesGrizzGriffithsfuddlemarknavanaxHormonellaCanadiaDeSangre
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    favstar1000favsmoelevinfavstar_popMyMentalTraffictulipgirl78ShillyShallyNixFavstar500Favs__psybrspcsuprstr
  • randomisms
      randomisms @randomisms

    The fastest way out of a good mood is telling me I'm in one.

    • 145
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    MolotovJohnnybehindyourbackCoatCzechRockVDoemetafrothunique938288405jimmykinkadenavanax
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    favstar1000favsFavstar500Favs__
    Smethanie
  • randomisms
      randomisms @randomisms

    Beating the shit out of someone sounds like too much cleanup.

    • 139
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    MolotovJohnnyStexcyCoatCzechRockVDoeColoChivernemoflakesGrizzGriffithsnavanax
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    favstar1000favsCOOKlEFOREVERLezziekins__Favstar500Favs__hate_myshirtvrtlmtcrankshaft80
    BlueeyedzomBae
@randomisms

@randomisms

Apart from sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?

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