@rare_basement this fall I met Daniel Johnston and he signed my VHS of Fantasia and then kept it

this bag of dicks is only like 1/3 full once you take out all the stems and pubes, what a rip

Wine??? That's a GIRLS Drink!! I'm, excuse me, a Man!!! *visualizes and rotates like 50 different 3D objects in my mind at once*

i have drawn a sexey picture of pikachu do you like it pic.twitter.com/U9NfkkRu

Now I lay me down to sleep / I am a fan of Quantum Leap / and if you didn't like that show / then what the hell's your problem, bro

Throw a baby badger so high that when it lands on your enemy it's fully grown and very upset. You left town years ago. The perfect crime.

pls let whoever taxidermied this motherfucker do me when i die wow pic.twitter.com/kVOkFJyS

Sucking on chilly dogs outside the tasty freEeze. Sucking on chili dogs..outside the tasty freeze. Sucking on chilly dogs OUT SIDE THE TASTE

the speed of light isnt even that fast *i throw a lamp* wow how fast NOT

the lime is coming from INSIDE the coconut

donald fagan donald fagan! donald fagan! donald fagan donald fagan! donald fagan! donald fagan donald fagan! oh oh oh donald fagan.

Poets don't lead miserable lives, people do. Poets just never shut up about it

Animals are far more terrifying than monsters because A. they are the same thing as monsters and B. they live everywhere around you

see this watch? i got it by Crying. my car? crying. my beautiful wife? Crying. My perfect teeth? Crying. now get the fuck out of my office

bro kiss my booboo don't be a dick dude it's a fuckin ouchy thought we were bros shit hurts i'd kiss ur booboo come on dude ur bein a pussy

shall i compare thee to a summer's day? (hot)

(we smoked some hash) we smoked some monster hash (some monster hash) it was some dank ass trash (some monster hash) we got baked in a flash

how come a baby born with a foot in its brain is considered a "Miracle Baby" but when I get my dick stuck in a drawer im just some asshole

I called my dad & asked for a ride home & he said yes I asked when & he said "after I make your mom cum" Looks like he wont be picking me up

When I die (from choking at Golden Corral) please divide up my body and evenly distribute it across the buffet at Golden Corral