If Kim Kardashian is allowed to sue Old Navy b/c a model looks like her, then Khloe Kardashian should expect a lawsuit from Chewbacca.

Women say eyes are the sexiest part of a man's body. Thanks ladies, you picked the only part of our body that we don't want you to touch

My four year old niece summarizing her day at Safety School "Look both ways or you die"

Snooki has a new lipstick called Snookilicious, which is more alluring than the original name ‘Cold Sore Concealer’

George W. Bush got his own library today; that is as insensitive as giving Stephen Hawking his own treadmill

Dudes who miss child support payments should have to get their kids face tattooed on their neck. Oh, they already do that, nevermind

Giving flowers to a hospital patient seems insincere, it’s as if you’re saying ‘Worse case scenario, you outlived these plants’

The first concussion of the NFL season goes to Chad Johnson's wife

Mixed Signals: Rappers claim it’s not a game, yet their attire consists of ball caps, basketball shoes, & jerseys

Kourtney gave birth to a baby girl. The good news it doesn't have the ability to talk, making her my favorite Kardashian yet

Jason Collins coming out taught us all an important lesson; Male figure skaters aren't professional athletes

Mel Gibson says he’s wants to give Lindsay Lohan career guidance; Yes, and maybe Wesley Snipes can help her file taxes

“Yes ladies, high heels are sexy, but you know what’s even sexier? Comfortable footwear & MetroCards” –every dude’s bank account

A woman told me that my sloppy look is cute? Thanks lady for telling me that I have as much sex appeal as an infant eating spaghetti

As an American, I propose a trade w/ Jamacia, we get Usain Bolt & you get LeBron, Snoop Lion, & all the Kardashians you can stomach

An arm covered w/ tattoos is called a ‘sleeve’ b/c that guy will never own a long sleeved shirt. That's why a neck tattoo is called a 401k

If 500 hours on the phone w/ a dude constitutes a relationship than for a month in 2004 I was dating Ken from Dell Tech Support #mantiteo

Kristie Alley called John Travolta the greatest love of her life. That's surprising, I thought her answer would've been cheesecake.

Everyone is having sex on Martha Stewart bedsheets, except Martha Stewart :(

Mitt Romney’s world tour continues, they hated him in London, but luckily he’s going to Israel next, where everyone’s laid-back