Kim Kardashian's baby is my favorite Kardashian; B/c it doesn't have the ability to talk yet

It is raining so intensely in NYC, I assume a heart broken John Cusack is standing outside my apartment

New Pope announces his new Pope name is 'Francis' and his new Brooklyn name is 'Frankie the Hat'

Honey Boo Boo’s Mama June is marrying Sugar Bear today; If you want to buy them a gift, they’d like a his and hers Dialysis Machine

Kourtney gave birth to a baby girl. The good news it doesn't have the ability to talk, making her my favorite Kardashian yet

Women are outraged that a cop tased a pregnant lady; As a Guy, we need to know if it stifled her mood swings before we can comment

My four year old niece summarizing her day at Safety School "Look both ways or you die"

The only thing I know about Chris Brown is his four hits; Rihanna, Drake, Frank Ocean, and a Valet

Mitt Romney’s world tour continues, they hated him in London, but luckily he’s going to Israel next, where everyone’s laid-back

Snooki has a new lipstick called Snookilicious, which is more alluring than the original name ‘Cold Sore Concealer’

I don't think banjos anticipated cementing a negative reputation when they agreed to the movie Deliverance #couldvebeensaxaphones

The first concussion of the NFL season goes to Chad Johnson's wife

Women say eyes are the sexiest part of a man's body. Thanks ladies, you picked the only part of our body that we don't want you to touch

I own a Kirk Cameron gay pride flag, which is crazy b/c that dude doesn't tolerate flags

If Kim Kardashian is allowed to sue Old Navy b/c a model looks like her, then Khloe Kardashian should expect a lawsuit from Chewbacca.