Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
The bottle cautions against using ibuprophen longer than 10 consecutive days.
Wish I noticed that back in 1989.
Walgreen's, having the diet aids on the
same aisle as the condoms is like saying "you'd be gettin' some if you weren't so fat."
There is a natural cure for insomnia. It's 15 minutes before your alarm clock goes off.
Having protected tweets is like being a hermit and communicating through your mail slot.
Detroit Marathon, 3 people died. I don't know about you, but if I die in Detroit, I wanna go the traditional way. Shot for my bus fare.
People always ask me, "Anita, you don't look 36. What's your secret to looking so YOUNG?" I smile knowingly and answer...
It's a good thing Jesus wasn't beheaded, because a diamond-studded guillotine wouldn't make NEARLY as charming a pendant.
I've NEVER asked a neighbor for a single cup of sugar. Now, I'm thinking of cashing in my karmic chips and asking for a bottle of bourbon.
I still say a homeopath sounds like a living room murderer.
Before we execute the contract, we should discuss the non-compete. I'm going to have to be your ONLY black friend.
For us, it's just a speedbump in the week, but for Quasimodo, Wednesday was *his* day...
Nothing makes me slowly back toward the door more reliably than someone indicating they want to read me a poem they wrote.
I'm constantly making incremental life improvements to no perceptible benefit. Maybe I'll be Firefox for Halloween.
I have always depended on the wi-fi of strangers.
If there is a level of anxiety that actually burns calories, then I should have checked my bank balance earlier and skipped the run.
I just think its stupid to go to church on the ONE morning of the week where champagne at 11 a.m. is acceptable.
Just cleaned out my Birdhouse. It was full of shit.
Everyone's got a story. I'll sleep through yours next.
You don't have to see many naked old people in the YMCA locker room before your own inhibitions start to seem silly.
Hey, hipster-twitter guy: because of me, you're laughing WITH black people and not AT black people.