@razorwitted's (Anita) most faved Tweets...
The bottle cautions against using ibuprophen longer than 10 consecutive days.
Wish I noticed that back in 1989.
Wish I noticed that back in 1989.
Walgreen's, having the diet aids on the
same aisle as the condoms is like saying "you'd be gettin' some if you weren't so fat."
same aisle as the condoms is like saying "you'd be gettin' some if you weren't so fat."
People always ask me, "Anita, you don't look 36. What's your secret to looking so YOUNG?" I smile knowingly and answer...
"Acne."
"Acne."
I've NEVER asked a neighbor for a single cup of sugar. Now, I'm thinking of cashing in my karmic chips and asking for a bottle of bourbon.
It's a good thing Jesus wasn't beheaded, because a diamond-studded guillotine wouldn't make NEARLY as charming a pendant.
Nothing makes me slowly back toward the door more reliably than someone indicating they want to read me a poem they wrote.
Before we execute the contract, we should discuss the non-compete. I'm going to have to be your ONLY black friend.
I'm constantly making incremental life improvements to no perceptible benefit. Maybe I'll be Firefox for Halloween.
Detroit Marathon, 3 people died. I don't know about you, but if I die in Detroit, I wanna go the traditional way. Shot for my bus fare.
If there is a level of anxiety that actually burns calories, then I should have checked my bank balance earlier and skipped the run.
Let me demonstrate my little known talent for understatement... A high-fiber diet has its drawbacks.
That is all.
That is all.
I just think its stupid to go to church on the ONE morning of the week where champagne at 11 a.m. is acceptable.
You don't have to see many naked old people in the YMCA locker room before your own inhibitions start to seem silly.
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