Every time you watch Glee, a real TV show with rich characters & story dies.

If video games were really influential, we'd all be wearing overalls with big mustaches and turtles would be so fucked.

Can we wait until God is dead before we worry what is in his Will?

I blame Anton Chigurh for the bowlcut going out of style.

Kevin Smith just announced he finished Clerks 3? Well, I'm here to announce you, sir, are also finished.

The most terrifying torture device in movies this year is the hand-knitted lingerie in #TheSightseers

It came as a total surprise to me that Anderson Cooper is the Higgs boson particle.

Bin Laden's widows were "hostile" in the interview with American agents? Well, we did just re-paint their bedroom red without asking.

Pro tip: after brushing your teeth, if you drink coffee, it tastes like a thin mint.


We really need to go grocery shopping in this house.

All these cheap-looking alien invasion movies & TV shows is just going to encourage real aliens to invade to show us how it is really done.

Polar bears asshole in a snow storm.


x

Masochism: watching the latest Transformers trailer, secretly hoping it will be watchable.

Famous Omens:

Jesus, "One of you will betray me."

Oracle, "Beware the Ides of March."

Bill, "I'll re-sod you in the spring." #biglove

Where does a Warlock go when you need a job OHTHATSRIGHT Reality TV.

"I'm pretty sure your non-profit to feed the hungry is a communist plot to make everyday Thanksgiving." --Sarah Palin, probably.

In all seriousness, Glenn Beck's prattle is the sound of the terrorists winning.

What's wrong with Google Wave, dad? Why are you taking him out behind the barn? It was me. I'll pay more attention to him! I swear!

Less is mo

I'm sorry. You just celebrated the birthday of your pet? No. I can not commiserate with you meaningfully on this subject.

People that talk about their nephews and nieces like they are their own children.