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"Don't wear that, you'll give people the wrong idea." What idea? That I'm fine as hell? That ain't an idea, that's a fact.
Here's a picture of me and my boyfriend! *pic of me with pizza* Aw, here's us kissing! *pic of me eating pizza* He's so sexy! *pic of pizza*
Live every day like Maury told you it's not your baby.
Whenever I'm having a bad day I remember my track record for surviving bad days is 100% so far and honestly that's pretty damn reassuring.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza.
I call cakes big ol’ cookies. I call noodles long-ass rice. Root beer is super water. Tortillas are bean blankies. And forks... Food rakes.
Lady in the streets and asleep in the bed.
How many friend-zoned guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit and compliment it and get mad when it doesn't screw.
If I can't walk down the aisle to "International Player's Anthem" I don't want to get married.
XOXO, Gossip Girl. *seductively saunters into oncoming traffic*
Some days you just feel like a sad white person failing at tasks in an infomercial.
Sometimes Twitter feels like when you've said something funny but a loud bus passed so no one heard you.
I wish running came naturally to me, but it doesn't. Cupcakes do
May your lips be always pouty, your cheeks always bronzed and your winged eyeliner always symmetrical.
somebody cares... not me, but somebody.
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