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Here's a picture of me and my boyfriend! *pic of me with pizza* Aw, here's us kissing! *pic of me eating pizza* He's so sexy! *pic of pizza*
Live every day like Maury told you it's not your baby.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza.
I call cakes big ol’ cookies. I call noodles long-ass rice. Root beer is super water. Tortillas are bean blankies. And forks... Food rakes.
Lady in the streets and asleep in the bed.
How many friend-zoned guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit and compliment it and get mad when it doesn't screw.
XOXO, Gossip Girl. *seductively saunters into oncoming traffic*
Some days you just feel like a sad white person failing at tasks in an infomercial.
Sometimes Twitter feels like when you've said something funny but a loud bus passed so no one heard you.
I wish running came naturally to me, but it doesn't. Cupcakes do
One man's trash is another man's daughter.
"Too punk rock for the common cold" she murmurs as she types on her iPhone, wraps herself in a blanket, and sinks slowly into her pillows.
Sure, other people may have their life together but do they know the lyrics to "Knuck If You Buck" like I do? Nope, didn't think so.
So, the waiter offered us bread... My mom rubbed her hands together and smiling she said, "tryna get dis bwead!" MY MOTHER, LADIES & GENTS.
Do girls who say that they want a "nerdy" guy understand the total gravity and implications of what they're actually saying?
i am the human incarnation of the sunglasses emoji and unfortunately most people can't handle that