the man says i go to bed beautiful, wake up beautiful & always smell like pretty flowers. i already fucked him. not sure what he wants now.

ode to my favorite word:
____me
____off
____you
____off & die
____it
____er(s)
but mostly
____ me hard and fast or get the ____ off.
FUCK.

i think sharks eat people just to get on tv.

the man just said, "good thing yer hot & awesome in bed because yer fucking gross sometimes."

best. compliment. ever.

if i wanted my sex quiet, i'd fuck a mime.

secretary asked why i don't just lie to spare her feelings and i told her that lying would jeopardize my entrance to heaven. dumb cunt.

i sneezed so hard i think a pair of balls just popped out.

midgets don't scare like birds and children do when you run at them.

creepy little fuckers.

your little dick makes my boobs look big.

painted my nails red because mother says that's what whores do.
i also fucked her boyfriend.

because that's what whores do.

i love waking up and having the morning sex. i should really wake up the man though. he's missing out.

i like to fuck wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much to get married again.

i know i say i hate kids. i don't mean *my* kid. i mean yours.

i replaced neighbor's aspirin with birth control pills. she really does not need to procreate.

it's a breeze working while doped up on vicodin.
not sure i'm at the right office. this pole is cold & it's dark in here.

i don't give a fuck about stars. i do star what makes me laugh. i don't expect them in return. what i do expect is for you to go down on me.

a few things i notice while on pain killers: i don't blink, unicorns talk too fast & i can remove my right leg at the hip.

tthhee mmaann lliikkeedd hhiiss vviibbrraattoorrr sseett.. ii''mm ccuurreennttllyy uussiinngg iitt..

if i ever receive a 100 star tweet..i'll post a naked pic.

i told him he was gonna fucking take it the way i give it and like it.

i didn't mean to make the mailman cry.