@rediscover_me's (Liza) most faved Tweets...
Omfg this guy was talking to me at the chiropractor & Aidan says 'is this gonna be my daddy?!' EARTH PLEASE OPEN UP & TAKE ME! D: mortified!
My back is killing me. I'm looking to hire someone as a Breast Holder. I can't pay you, but fuck, you get to hold my boobs WITH consent!
My sister is taking Aidan to church. I will have my own services at home. Note: This tweet contains a euphemism.
Am I insensitive for seeing the pic of a 94y/o man when he was in his 20's & thinking 'I would've hit that like the fist of an angry god!'??
When I'm wearing flipflops and walking down a quiet hall where it echoes, it sounds like my feet are shooting out lasers, and it's AWESOME!
Thre was another girl at the zoo wearing the same shirt I was.
...my boobs looked better in it. ^___^
...my boobs looked better in it. ^___^
My almost 40 year old aunt just drunk dialed me. She's getting smashed, while singing Black Eyed Peas, and I'm at home watching 20/20. FML.
Love that my sis used all my tampons. Asked her to replace before her wknd trip bc I won't have a car & she leaves $20. Hope that will hold!
You know that pain you get right on the side of your ass & thigh from having rough sex a day or two before? Me either.
Noticed in movie sex scenes, chicks always force the guy's hand on boobs. Funny. IRL, men seem to need no coercion even at non-sexual times.
Dear Liza,
Wearing a thong under your dress is still a poor life decision.
No love,
Your Cotton Filled Ass
Wearing a thong under your dress is still a poor life decision.
No love,
Your Cotton Filled Ass
Told my sis if we didn't go to a bathroom so I could pull out my wedgie, my ass would have an orgasm. Was overheard; they looked intrigued.
Chex Mix's slogan is that it's 'A Bag of Interesting'. I wish I would've known that before I spent all that money on this bag of cocaine.
I'm wasting the best years of my life trying to find an amusing spin on it in hopes that I am rewarded with an e-star bukkake via Twitter.
How do you people narrow your lists down to do FF? I'm looking & all I see is fear of leaving others out. I think I'm sick with Communism.
FYI: I don't give a shit about the movies you put on your iPhone. Especially if they're chick flicks. Especially if you're a dude. Nut up!
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