IF all women are crazy…



Then…



You might as well pick a pretty one.

I really miss the person I used to think you were.

6: Daddy who are these pretty girls on your phone?
M: I really don't know.
6: Where'd ya get em?
M: Twitter
6: Oh R they Princesses?
M: Yes

Life is not a box of chocolates.

It's more like mixed vegetables with freezer burn.

How many tweets does it take to get to the center of the Internet?

One of My Ex's was absolutely beautiful. But, it didn't workout because all she wanted to do was SWING.



I miss third grade.

Everything I tweet is based on actual events, true stories and personal experience.

I've got the tetanus shots to prove it.

Things I've accomplished since joining twitter. List:

Never Never Never tell someone you are patient.

They will test you...

When I'm alone I want to be with you… when I'm with other people I want to be with you.


When I'm with you I want an audience watching us.

The best part of twitter… is you think it doesn't mean anything.

The worst part of twitter is you think it means more than it does.

If you follow 500 active tweeters it's impossible to be employed, in a relationship or finish your mosaic masterpiece of Dogs Playing Poker.

Somedays, as happy as I am, as much as I love my kids...

I still want to run away and join the circus.

The fact that occasionally we can tweet something that momentarily makes somebody smile, laugh, think, or block us.

That's a good thing.

I have to be honest...

No I don't this is twitter.

I miss you, but I can't spell your @ name correctly to find you.

There are very few truly real mysteries in this World… so when you come across one, embrace her and don't let her go.

You ever write a tweet so funny and so clever that nobody stars it?

Me neither.

YOU are beautiful. Yes I'm talking to you.

Unless you're a dude, then of course I'm not talking to you, and yes your biceps look big.

I kid you not.




-Condom wearers