@redtothetone's ( ♥ ) most faved Tweets...
this lifetime channel is awesome! i don't know why guys hate it so much. brb...gotta go kill my husband & search for my missing baby.
rule of thumb when hitting on co-workers...if you're cute, it's flirting. if you're not...it's sexual harrassment.
you know how guys say it must be great to have a pair of tits you can play with at any given time? well, it is.
just because you still refer to me as your girlfriend and we have sex 4-5 times a week, does not mean we are back together.
how nice of my colleague to leave m&m's for me...in the back of her file cabinet, wrapped in 3 bags and a box with 'do not touch' on it.
some vodka sure would be nice right about now.
maybe a little oral, too.
i don't want to come off too high-maintenance, just oral is ok.
maybe a little oral, too.
i don't want to come off too high-maintenance, just oral is ok.
it's ridiculous to estimate the size of a man's weiner by looking at his hands or feet. just ask him to show you. if it's small, he won't.
my beau's always asking a 3some. finally, i told him i'll be happy to have 3some, but i get to pick the other guy...that's what i thought.
what's the most professional way to bring up the fact that I have great tits during a phone interview?
i want a tweet with 100 stars!
it will take some time, but i'm already over ½ way there.
only 45 more twitter accounts to set-up.
it will take some time, but i'm already over ½ way there.
only 45 more twitter accounts to set-up.
me: this cranberry juice tastes funny. i think it's spoiled.
mister: it's fine. that's just how it tastes with no vodka in it.
mister: it's fine. that's just how it tastes with no vodka in it.
when you have a son, you only worry about 1 penis. with a daughter, you have to worry about ALL of the penises. i heard that somewhere
you know, some people use twitter to tell us what they're doing.
but they don't make it funny.
what's up with that?
but they don't make it funny.
what's up with that?
the sisters have big mouths.
the misters asks...what's twitter?
i tell him it's a site where women talk about their period.
bullet dodged...
the misters asks...what's twitter?
i tell him it's a site where women talk about their period.
bullet dodged...
only good thing about tall cube walls is that i can look at porn & masturbate with a modicum of privacy. just kidding! i don't look at porn.
we get our playchecks today. I'm going to buy some krispy kremes for my team...and eat them myself because I don't really like my team.
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