@rememberknow's (Apollo Fishhorn) most faved Tweets...
Me to the exchange-lady:I need a fuck-ton of pounds sterling.
Her: "How many in a fuck-ton, sir?"
I almost went down on her right there.
Her: "How many in a fuck-ton, sir?"
I almost went down on her right there.
OMG THERE'S A SWINE FLU PANDEMIC!!!
WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!
These statements are both true, though not necessarily related.
WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!
These statements are both true, though not necessarily related.
Being an atheist is hard. I have no idea where to tell people to go.
"Go to Hell" just means small town Michigan.
Wait. Problem solved.
"Go to Hell" just means small town Michigan.
Wait. Problem solved.
16
Just a reminder to everyone that Wednesday is Canada Day.
Or as I prefer it, International Fuck A Canuck Day.
I still have open timeslots.
Or as I prefer it, International Fuck A Canuck Day.
I still have open timeslots.
13
My biggest problem when out in the world is that it is simply not possible to know she is 16 merely by the shape of her ass.
13
I fucking hate it when otherwise really hot chicks insist on getting all blinged up and shit.
Take the fucking wedding band off, already.
Take the fucking wedding band off, already.
12
OMG, I forgot to tell you guys! June 30th! I had sex!
Mark it down, we'll be celebrating next year too.
Mark it down, we'll be celebrating next year too.
11
I don't get it. When a baby throws up twice and shits itself during a meal, the ladies kiss it goodnight.
I, otoh, go home alone. Again.
I, otoh, go home alone. Again.
11
I'm dating a girl who listens to Celine Dion, and watches Two and Half Men.
On purpose.
Lord, why have you forsaken me?
On purpose.
Lord, why have you forsaken me?
10
You know, I had a great joke lined up about Swayze's prostate cancer and Dirty Dancing.
Way to ruin a good joke Swayze.
Asshole.
Way to ruin a good joke Swayze.
Asshole.
10
Last night I met a hooker named Mary.
It was a moral dilemma, but I found guidance in the question "What would Jesus do?"
Thanks J.
It was a moral dilemma, but I found guidance in the question "What would Jesus do?"
Thanks J.
9
These shorts look great on me when I'm standing, but whenever I sit down they give me an embarrassing fauxner.
9
Ladies, this new trend of patterned nylons makes me want to f...uh...get to know each and every one of you as the beautiful people you are.
8
OH: Thank god they found Balloon Boy. I thought Michael Jackson was ordering delivery from heaven.
8
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