@retiredgroupie's (Lisa ) most faved Tweets...
In retrospect, I can appreciate divorce as a better choice over killing him slowly w/a concoction of Drano, rat poison, & hambuger helper.
From my friends Stacie & Lem:
"Did u exchange vowels when u get married?"
"No. U exchange vowels at divorce; the man gives I, O, & U!"
"Did u exchange vowels when u get married?"
"No. U exchange vowels at divorce; the man gives I, O, & U!"
Dating rule #34: if he likes Steven Sagal movies, it's okay to excuse yourself to the ladies room and leave restaurant thru the kitchen.
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So if someone dies from an overdose of homeopathic meds, wouldn't that be a death by natural causes? I'm asking for a friend.
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I'm drinking and starring tonight. Tweet away. I'll flick you a star because that's the kind of drunk I am.
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Boss sent out company newsletter expressing what we are thankfuk for. I rather like the new word she has come up with. I thankfuk too!
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When you wanna kiss your honey and your nose is kinda runny, your honey thinks it's honey but it'snot!
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I had to collect a stool sample at work today. I only did it so they would stop saying I don't do shit at work!
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Benedryl kicking in; my own heroin. I'll be asleep on the sofa for awhile. Feel free to snoop while I'm out. But don't look in THAT drawer!
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Saw my exhusband yesterday after many years. He was fat & bald. Ain't carma a bitch! She is my new bff.
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Years of not getting picked for the team in school and now I'm picked 2b on wedding team. This is wrong on so many levels.
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Sunday. This is the day set aside for random acts of domesticity. Because I tend to procrastinate, it will probably occur around darkthirty.
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It's Twitter. Don't take this shit personal. It's an outlet for us all. If u don't like something, unfollow, block, or swallow.
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Thanksgiving, a day for fatties and the fat in spirit. Thankful for a country where we boast our gluttony, and send $2 a day to the starving
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