@reverendross' most faved Tweets...
"You can't contract AIDS from a mosquito." "What if you have anal sex with it?" She was unprepared for my question. Who trains these people?
"1 2 3 4, I declare a tongue war!" seems like it would be an awesome pick up line but it's really not.
I didn't need to see what's under your kilt, bartender. And that's no way to stir a drink. Yes of course I still want it.
It's silly to blame the Haiti disaster on some sort of Voodoo pact. I mean, I live in New Orleans & nothing like that's ever happened here.
Her interpretation of Hobbes' social contract theory lost all credibility for me when I realized she wasn't referring to the talking tiger.
I'm watching a wasp become more & more disoriented as it repeatedly flies into a closed window. This is how God feels watching us.
"What's your costume, lame cowboy hipster Elvis Costello emo fag pussy?" Sigh. I dress like this every day Mom. You know that.
The stove may only have three burners now, but giving that stuffed animal a Viking funeral was a necessary step towards learning to let go.
Lying nude by the fire on a bear skin rug reading ancient tomes. Have to yell at the bitch to turn down that fucking Glee show. It's so gay.
I told Mom her Glamour Shot is lovely and she absolutely doesn't look like a whorehouse madam in it. She can't take a compliment.
I'd love to stay and hear more about your political views but I've got a carpenters vice waiting and my scrotum isn't going to crush itself.
Just a few more days of my 'I'll stuff your turkey' pickup line. Then I switch to 'stuff your stocking'. Off to swoop hot milfs at Walmart.
Peeing at adjacent urinals. I farted loud. He said "That's alright boy. It's the right room for it". We could all learn from this man.
I had to disconnect my phone because my annoying nosy friends & family refuse to let me become isolated & self destruct in peace.
It's annoying how talking to your cousin about how cool Jerry Lee Lewis is won't convince her to make out with you.
Sometimes I feel guilty about not watching the news. Other times I'm stuck at the airport watching CNN run a story about the Keyboard Cat.
I hate artists "You're an artist" I still hate them "You're such a scorpio" I hate astrology "I can't talk to you right now" I hate talking.
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