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I had to break up with that female turkey I was dating. Outside of all the hen pecking, she stopped letting me stuff her giblets. #mctotd
For the hypochondriacs in your life, try new Münchausen™, by Proxy Pharmaceuticals®. Remember our motto: "At least it's not Lupus!" #McToTD
From the makers of Spanish Fly®, try new Your Wife™ brand aphrodisiac. Because nothing gets you going like the ole ball and chain. #McTotD
The declining riot scale:
Tripoli - oppression.
London - police shooting.
Indianapolis - Nikes.
San Francisco - Later Gap hours.
Relapse Theatre needs $80,000 to stay afloat | Creative Loafing Atlanta http://clatl.com/freshloaf/archives/2012/12/11/relapse-theatre-needs-80000-to-stay-afloat … via @cl_atlanta
I got the limited edition Trashton Kutcher Garbage Pail Kid card. Comes with a stale piece of gum ... oh wait, that's Slimey Moore. #McToTD
I love that Twitter can't parse symbols so the trend is "Stop Coddling the Super." It's like people are being too nice to their landlords.
Salami on the table, Mariah Carey on the radio, Blade Runner on the TV, it's a goddamn party now.
I just saw a car driving on a spare tire pull into a liquor store. Because you've got to have your priorities straight.
"Celebrity Pornstar Jeopardy! Categories: Meat S-Words, Spots That Start With G, & Potent Porkables. Look for the Daily Double Penetration."
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