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I had to break up with that female turkey I was dating. Outside of all the hen pecking, she stopped letting me stuff her giblets. #mctotd
For the hypochondriacs in your life, try new Münchausen™, by Proxy Pharmaceuticals®. Remember our motto: "At least it's not Lupus!" #McToTD
MC Hammer's 2 Legit Potato Crisps. "Betcha Can't Touch Just One!"
@mcsquealio #mctotd
From the makers of Spanish Fly®, try new Your Wife™ brand aphrodisiac. Because nothing gets you going like the ole ball and chain. #McTotD
The declining riot scale:
Tripoli - oppression.
London - police shooting.
Indianapolis - Nikes.
San Francisco - Later Gap hours.
#McToTd
.@mcsquealio
Where are they now?
Warrant: bounty hunters
Poison: exterminators
Tesla: electricians
Skid Row: #OccupyWallStreet
#mctotd
Relapse Theatre needs $80,000 to stay afloat | Creative Loafing Atlanta http://clatl.com/freshloaf/archives/2012/12/11/relapse-theatre-needs-80000-to-stay-afloat … via @cl_atlanta
I got the limited edition Trashton Kutcher Garbage Pail Kid card. Comes with a stale piece of gum ... oh wait, that's Slimey Moore. #McToTD
@fifty_buds Aw man! So now you only have 98 non-bitch-related problems!?
@sweetdevilbitch Oh. Wow. The choices ... A too many will sing along, B is goofy but not enough, C mom singing about booty? Scars for life!
@bepheeber @mcsquealio A pig walks into a bar, sees three other pigs at the bar, and says "none for me thanks." (ugh) #mctotd
@sucka99
Who: Shay, Vanilla
What: gauge, nine
When: now
Where: A1A Beachfront Ave - the wall
Why: chumps actin' ill
How: too cold
I love that Twitter can't parse symbols so the trend is "Stop Coddling the Super." It's like people are being too nice to their landlords.
@erica_rosie ): one do properly can't And .FORMAT JOKE THIS OF SICK REALLY WHO'S SOMEBODY ABOUT IT'S BACKWARDS TWEET THIS READ YOU IF
Salami on the table, Mariah Carey on the radio, Blade Runner on the TV, it's a goddamn party now.
I just saw a car driving on a spare tire pull into a liquor store. Because you've got to have your priorities straight.
"Celebrity Pornstar Jeopardy! Categories: Meat S-Words, Spots That Start With G, & Potent Porkables. Look for the Daily Double Penetration."
I follow because I know you or want to hear what you say. I favorite because I like what you say. I retweet because I think others should hear what you say.
