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I didn't call you an asshole. I said you should use Preparation H for lip gloss, that's all.
Walk into room full of female dogs
"What's up bitches?"
I am easiest the youngest person playing bingo by 125 years.
I thought my notifications were broken. Turns out I just have shitty tweets.
Ever look in the mirror and think "meh, fuck it"?
Sometimes when you let something go, it does come back.
And when it does, you realize how much it was worth in the first place.
I don't mean to brag, but I'm married and sleep alone every night.
I'm so good at my wrestling my demons that I was just contacted to be in the main event on Raw.
Who the fuck was Carmen San Diego and why in the fuck did we keep looking for her?
How many calories does wrestling my demons burn? Asking for myself.
Of all the things that I miss, the illusion of happiness is the biggest...
The hell I have been through pales on comparison to the heaven that you bring my life...
Anyone can become a distance memory if you drink hard enough.
Wife of 35 years kills husband for simply breathing.
More at 11.
Beautiful and mentally unstable?
If you feel like you're an option in someone's life, just walk away. And if they don't notice, then they didn't really care to begin with.
The lies we inflict upon ourselves hurts more than the truth that we can all see.
It's 5 am. So, like a normal person I am surfung porn and ordering as seen as an tv shit.
Apparently it's not really irony if you hit your mother in law with a iron.
That's what the police say anyway.
Father of 2. Woodworking, photography, and harassing the general public are my hobbies.
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