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Currently on a payment plan to bring sexy back. Easy monthly payments of $69 oddly enough.
I didn't call you an asshole. I said you should use Preparation H for lip gloss, that's all.
I thought my notifications were broken. Turns out I just have shitty tweets.
Ever look in the mirror and think "meh, fuck it"?
I am easiest the youngest person playing bingo by 125 years.
Sometimes when you let something go, it does come back.
And when it does, you realize how much it was worth in the first place.
I don't mean to brag, but I'm married and sleep alone every night.
Who the fuck was Carmen San Diego and why in the fuck did we keep looking for her?
How many calories does wrestling my demons burn? Asking for myself.
Of all the things that I miss, the illusion of happiness is the biggest...
I'm so good at my wrestling my demons that I was just contacted to be in the main event on Raw.
The hell I have been through pales on comparison to the heaven that you bring my life...
Wife of 35 years kills husband for simply breathing.
More at 11.
The lies we inflict upon ourselves hurts more than the truth that we can all see.
It's 5 am. So, like a normal person I am surfung porn and ordering as seen as an tv shit.
I want someone to love like mexican men love large white women.
Just remember, just because you care, doesn't mean they do.
I can't forget you if I don't remember
Look, all I'm saying is that a pizza doesn't get jealous if you eat a calzone.
So why are you mad at me because I fucked your hot cousin?
Apparently it's not really irony if you hit your mother in law with a iron.
That's what the police say anyway.
Father of 2. Woodworking, photography, and harassing the general public are my hobbies.
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