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I didn't call you an asshole. I said you should use Preparation H for lip gloss, that's all.
Sometimes when you let something go, it does come back.
And when it does, you realize how much it was worth in the first place.
Who the fuck was Carmen San Diego and why in the fuck did we keep looking for her?
How many calories does wrestling my demons burn? Asking for myself.
I have been with my wife for 13 years.
This is my suicide note.
My epic air drum solos aren't bringing the ladies to the yard like I thought they might. Total bullshit! Good thing those lessons were free!
The best revenge you can have is moving on. It's not easy, but it has to be done.
If it's meant to be, they will come back.
My wife is the meatloaf of butt stuff.
Oh, your kids have memorized the frozen soundtrack?
That's cool. My kids listen to The Doors and Led Zeppelin.
I win fucker!
If Kim Kardashian ass gets any larger, she may have to call it Kanye West
You look like the type of asshole that had the hello moto ringtone on your razor phone.
I waited 14 year's to kiss you. I can wait to get you in bed. Rather hold your hand and hold you in my arms. Then hold your heart next.
Ok, where is the switch to make my kids sleep in? These bastards are way too hyper at 8 am!
Father of 2. Woodworking, photography, and harassing the general public are my hobbies.
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