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Currently on a payment plan to bring sexy back. Easy monthly payments of $69 oddly enough.
I didn't call you an asshole. I said you should use Preparation H for lip gloss, that's all.
I am easiest the youngest person playing bingo by 125 years.
Noise reducing headphones, but for the voices in my head.
Walk into room full of female dogs
"What's up bitches?"
I thought my notifications were broken. Turns out I just have shitty tweets.
I wish I would have kissed you when I had the chance.
Ever look in the mirror and think "meh, fuck it"?
I don't mean to brag, but I'm married and sleep alone every night.
Thigh gap is when I put my face between your legs, right?
I like my women like I like my bacon. Thick cut, crispy, and the slight taste of maple syrup.
I wish someone would miss me when I'm gone. But, that's never going to fucking happen.
Father of 2. Woodworking, photography, and harassing the general public are my hobbies.
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