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  • roadkill3x
      Jimmy Shaw @roadkill3x

    My favorite mythical creature is the happy bitches in tampon commercials.

    • 2,114
    • FAVS
    BeerhazeShannonIsHightentaclesandwicnaggalieDarkTallBastardBangYouBabyJormaticcristicreme
    • 1,306
    • RETWEETS
    naggalieDarkTallBastardgoogielumNdeshi_MAndee_StewartHeyYouGuy31kathleencrocke5conkdecooper
    GroperClevelandUGotMeRightlakeanagirlTallerThanATreeJuan_GolbezzeCloeLola22aimeevc1970circlejokes
  • roadkill3x
      Jimmy Shaw @roadkill3x

    I just went to poop without my phone & had to entertain myself with a magazine like a god damned caveman.

    • 1,855
    • FAVS
    ShannonIsHighnaggalieDarkTallBastardval1030valJormaticolerunkbitchNdeshi_MAndee_Stewart
    • 921
    • RETWEETS
    DarkTallBastardNdeshi_MMackTheMacminnie_in_pink7random_tammieunforeseenwordslllvvvzzzKRussellTX82
    NoorShammadannydogmouthJimmyTheThingCaptainObtusefifty_budsMothpete
  • roadkill3x
      Jimmy Shaw @roadkill3x

    If the devil was smart he would have challenged someone in a state less likely to have good fiddle players.... Like Rhode Island or Utah.

    • 1,662
    • FAVS
    ShannonIsHighnaggalieNdeshi_MAndee_Stewarttayandmaerockfairydivasevenxx7alexdhenley
    • 921
    • RETWEETS
    tayandmaerockfairydivaTSargent1ianklimonrona65DumpsterNoghighinamericaBigBellyKelly
    NickC46sentientsnorkelVikeeysSecret_Lindiscretion____hipchkkEFFFFFFYOU________littlekitnerboyjamieramonejayna_patriceManJuggsSaviorFreedomford414__________
  • roadkill3x
      Jimmy Shaw @roadkill3x

    I have a black belt in leather

    • 1,676
    • FAVS
    TLchDer367a_nin_aHappenstance8devilsadvocaterShannonIsHighMmmmMinnythirstfavManicmommy70
    • 819
    • RETWEETS
    MmmmMinnythecuznedManicmommy70rosietheboss_zazaz_cozbelligerentnaggalietvandjam
    DanKCharnleyJermHimselfishTheReal_AndyMacRummyLaudedWolfbaneMahler____
  • roadkill3x
      Jimmy Shaw @roadkill3x

    These generic frosted flakes are ooooooookay.

    • 1,653
    • FAVS
    ShannonIsHighjaggedapebeckyiniowaVictorscarletJ42OSassy_B1ondenaggalieNdeshi_Mgarrettherrera
    • 779
    • RETWEETS
    jaggedapeM_Gilder42OSassy_B1ondenaggalieAndee_StewartJacobSnakeholetayandmaettacksEarth
    Adam14lilgapeach30______palokinShakeItStaci__LuvPugC_J_Commode______Cpt_Burnoutbignas46UGotMeRightdeede311__________
  • roadkill3x
      Jimmy Shaw @roadkill3x

    It's hard telling how many Kleenex I've fathered.

    • 1,351
    • FAVS
    PaulPklaichShannonIsHigh42OSassy_B1ondenaggalieNdeshi_MAndee_StewartKennyc2653unforeseenwords
    • 385
    • RETWEETS
    M_Gilder42OSassy_B1ondenaggalieazredlizardunforeseenwordslovemyboots111tiReynardPussycatPlace
    SassyTxGirl83BillArrundaleDukeOfOyl________livingnBostondannydogmouthsarcazm2small_white______Mike_Wrong
  • roadkill3x
      Jimmy Shaw @roadkill3x

    It doesn’t matter how many bible verses you post on the Facebook it’s not going to wash away our memory of you being a whore in high school

    • 1,054
    • FAVS
    ShannonIsHightentaclesandwicnaggaliememphishutchval1030valKendallClark90LonChildThaDonNdeshi_M
    • 615
    • RETWEETS
    naggaliememphishutchcodiiiLonChildThaDonNdeshi_MtayandmaeBusterGrabbSamInspired
    nossink__________NolaChef504JBelk78__________ReDHeaDeDTaRT____wickedmayfairBarebakAssassincuntsiclesMarcusOreally__
  • roadkill3x
      Jimmy Shaw @roadkill3x

    Whatever happened to vodka flavored vodka?

    • 1,103
    • FAVS
    ShannonIsHighnaggalieamberdontcareAndee_Stewartkrismith4PippersheenSCOOPISMSunforeseenwords
    • 373
    • RETWEETS
    djrickyvybesNdeshi_MunforeseenwordsOkhoVodkaShettyONTHErunlovemyboots111tiReynardkaytaa
    DeanB15sameblackshoes1__
  • roadkill3x
      Jimmy Shaw @roadkill3x

    My wife was such a cock block at the bar last night.

    • 1,138
    • FAVS
    ShannonIsHighnaggalieAndee_StewartNCB_SMKtayandmaeBusterGrabbunforeseenwordsMind_fukk
    • 279
    • RETWEETS
    tayandmaeunforeseenwordsMind_fukklovemyboots111Sickayduhninkie76Sizzla14TheBoydP
    101RaceyBlondiethegoodDoom_Jedi
  • roadkill3x
      Jimmy Shaw @roadkill3x

    I don't get out of the shower to pee..... in fact sometimes I pee in the shower even if I'm not in it.

    • 893
    • FAVS
    ShannonIsHighnaggalieAndee_StewartCelebrityCheztayandmaeunforeseenwordscaro_amirmelbelle127
    • 263
    • RETWEETS
    naggalietayandmaeunforeseenwordsJohnnyCanuck55melbelle127lovemyboots111Sickayduhsquirrel74wkgn
    ilgrandechuck1BigMicksiamonday
  • roadkill3x
      Jimmy Shaw @roadkill3x

    Hey young lady, talking like a whore will only get you so far on here...... eventually you're going to have to say something funny.

    • 823
    • FAVS
    ShannonIsHighnaggalieAndee_StewartCelebrityCheztayandmaePippersheenunforeseenwordslovemyboots111
    • 287
    • RETWEETS
    tayandmaeunforeseenwordslovemyboots111HolidillSickayduhjoytoyu3bobbieleedan_jugz
    DionneMcNuttjamieramonejayonguitar
  • roadkill3x
      Jimmy Shaw @roadkill3x

    You better check yourself before it autocorrects it's self.

    • 820
    • FAVS
    ShannonIsHighnaggalieAndee_Stewarttayandmaebadpatrick1Pippersheenunforeseenwordslovemyboots111
    • 251
    • RETWEETS
    tayandmaebadpatrick1PippersheenBigBellyKellyunforeseenwordslovemyboots111SickayduhTheBoydP
    sporadicattackfifty_buds
  • roadkill3x
      Jimmy Shaw @roadkill3x

    Don't waste your time going to the library looking for books on suicide..... no one ever brings them back.

    • 767
    • FAVS
    ShannonIsHightentaclesandwicnaggalieAndee_StewarttayandmaePippersheenunforeseenwordsTeeJayRush
    • 252
    • RETWEETS
    naggalietayandmaeunforeseenwordsTeeJayRushNoHablaLocanakedlaughinglovemyboots111Sickayduh
    circlejokesladyfiredancer
  • roadkill3x
      Jimmy Shaw @roadkill3x

    On twitter someone says they shit their pants or just jacked off, you follow them...... in real life you back the fuck away.

    • 773
    • FAVS
    ShannonIsHighAndee_StewartCelebrityCheztayandmaen0eXiStPippersheenunforeseenwordslovemyboots111
    • 214
    • RETWEETS
    tayandmaen0eXiStunforeseenwordslovemyboots111scottbeairstoSickayduhTheBoydPzokobaby
    sgtblueeyes
  • roadkill3x
      Jimmy Shaw @roadkill3x

    I just caught my shadow doing that jerk off motion thing while I was explaining Twitter / Favstar to my wife.

    • 738
    • FAVS
    Andee_StewartBrianIncognitoAskAuntieEm1tayandmaePippersheenunforeseenwordsMind_fukkmelbelle127
    • 149
    • RETWEETS
    AskAuntieEm1tayandmaeunforeseenwordsMind_fukklovemyboots111scottbeairstoSickayduhPhil_Oshite
    JosesLovesYouSeanX3laurahapper______potatokingpin__Bry1972
  • roadkill3x
      Jimmy Shaw @roadkill3x

    Your kid's kids are going to laugh their asses off at the pics you took of yourself in the mirror.

    • 608
    • FAVS
    ShannonIsHighAndee_StewartCelebrityCheztayandmaeunforeseenwordsStaceyWatfordMind_fukkKatarinaFo
    • 214
    • RETWEETS
    tayandmaeunforeseenwordsStaceyWatfordMind_fukklovemyboots111SickayduhBuckeyeAnnie2TheBoydP
    Bryan_Swagger85
  • roadkill3x
      Jimmy Shaw @roadkill3x

    Tonight on Facebook - Nobody can wait for the weekend.

    • 651
    • FAVS
    ShannonIsHighAndee_StewartCelebrityChezBrianIncognitotayandmaeunforeseenwordsDrMonicaQuezadalovemyboots111
    • 147
    • RETWEETS
    tayandmaeunforeseenwordslovemyboots111NoamanBSickayduhtaralea29__zokobabyFraggleRockL490
    BoyCalledAnn
  • roadkill3x
      Jimmy Shaw @roadkill3x

    I thought I saw a coyote in the yard tonight but I couldn't tell because it didnt have an anvil.

    • 609
    • FAVS
    naggalieAndee_Stewartunforeseenwordslovemyboots111roadkill3xtiReynardninkie76sophia_be23
    • 178
    • RETWEETS
    naggalieunforeseenwordslovemyboots111RosbyMninkie76carlykentaralea29__zokobaby
    littlekitnerboygaliamangolemmywinkler______
  • roadkill3x
      Jimmy Shaw @roadkill3x

    I found a vibrating flash light in my wife's underwear drawer but I can't figure out where the bulb is.

    • 594
    • FAVS
    naggalieAndee_Stewarttpet57minnie_in_pink7unforeseenwordsmelbelle127flee_flovemyboots111
    • 123
    • RETWEETS
    ShadyAde71minnie_in_pink7unforeseenwordslovemyboots111LissabeanzTheBoydPtaralea29__zokobaby
    MarcusOreally__IamEveryDayPpl
  • roadkill3x
      Jimmy Shaw @roadkill3x

    Hey guy with no shirt on in his avi....... you're stepping in douche bag

    • 541
    • FAVS
    Andee_Stewartunforeseenwordslovemyboots111tiReynardcarlykensingingdoves13AudiocatsTheBoydP
    • 105
    • RETWEETS
    unforeseenwordslovemyboots111AudiocatsTheBoydPSims_was_herecaroline_umczokobabyWillie1derful
    bigmikeymike777
@roadkill3x

@roadkill3x

I am the Mario Mendoza of Twitter (dot com)

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