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  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    My favorite mythical creature is the happy bitches in tampon commercials.

    • 2,045
    • FAVS
    CrazyJayney_jdforshortcaroline_umcNaughtyQuakerzombietansnolar_bearwsts_tLackOfShame
    • 1,274
    • RETWEETS
    caroline_umczombietansnolar_bearBonJovi32partial_soulLightAndVibrantLackOfShamecandyhh15
    GroperClevelandUGotMeRightlakeanagirlTallerThanATreeJuan_GolbezzeCloeLola22aimeevc1970circlejokes
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    I just went to poop without my phone & had to entertain myself with a magazine like a god damned caveman.

    • 1,807
    • FAVS
    useddreamsbrunette1970funnybeachgirljdforshortNeeeyaaasuarezcandyhh15Demented_DameSarahMissBarbie
    • 898
    • RETWEETS
    useddreamsjdforshortMarvlouzSarahMissBarbiebrianburchett24david_tullFraggleRockL490suzebittersweet
    NoorShammadannydogmouthJimmyTheThingCaptainObtusefifty_budsMothpete
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    If the devil was smart he would have challenged someone in a state less likely to have good fiddle players.... Like Rhode Island or Utah.

    • 1,616
    • FAVS
    CrazyJayney_armyantstudiosjdforshortNatKingKoletonCallMeWhenSobercandyhh15weedfiend4lifeBabyFaceForman
    • 898
    • RETWEETS
    CrazyJayney_jdforshortNatKingKoletonCallMeWhenSoberbrianburchett24suzebittersweetWillie1derfulAshley_Alaska
    sentientsnorkelVikeeysSecret_Lindiscretion____hipchkkEFFFFFFYOU________littlekitnerboyjamieramonejayna_patriceManJuggsSaviorFreedomford414__________
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    I have a black belt in leather

    • 1,570
    • FAVS
    ponce_lupeOG_SocialWhoreCrazyJayney_HarryShort72jdforshortChances_R_MisslucyLeeF5X11
    • 758
    • RETWEETS
    CrazyJayney_jdforshortChances_R_SonneiGarcesThe_GetawayGirlbrianburchett24FraggleRockL490suzebittersweet
    DanKCharnleyJermHimselfishTheReal_AndyMacRummyLaudedWolfbaneMahler____
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    These generic frosted flakes are ooooooookay.

    • 1,541
    • FAVS
    SarahMissBarbieBabyFaceFormanMorethanamazingchompy_jrbrianburchett24darinlovesbaconk8ieokayskullpuppy11
    • 724
    • RETWEETS
    BabyFaceFormanbrianburchett24kirtneyskullpuppy11FraggleRockL490GoodBadThingWillie1derfuliwearaonesie
    Adam14lilgapeach30______palokinShakeItStaciLuvPugC_J_Commode______Cpt_Burnoutbignas46UGotMeRightdeede311__________
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    It's hard telling how many Kleenex I've fathered.

    • 1,320
    • FAVS
    BabyFaceFormanbrianburchett24FraggleRockL490suzebittersweetmonicasjungleRideSallyRide69Glittery_LoveShaeAaron
    • 366
    • RETWEETS
    brianburchett24RideSallyRide69Willie1derfulClassyHooliganaura_birdiescottthetwat______haggis_lovervinfury
    SassyTxGirl83BillArrundaleDukeOfOyl________livingnBostondannydogmouthsarcazm2small_white______Mike_Wrong
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    It doesn’t matter how many bible verses you post on the Facebook it’s not going to wash away our memory of you being a whore in high school

    • 1,010
    • FAVS
    Lauren_Ipsum_steviethekcaroline_umcHabbibticassandr_ahaaprilmaywilsonSteveHendry1NeoTatsujin
    • 593
    • RETWEETS
    caroline_umcHabbibtiweedfiend4lifeTylerLessenscarykaylerozeSoVeryShericandyhh15brianburchett24
    nossink__________NolaChef504JBelk78__________ReDHeaDeDTaRT____wickedmayfairBarebakAssassincuntsiclesMarcusOreally
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    Whatever happened to vodka flavored vodka?

    • 1,071
    • FAVS
    caroline_umcweedfiend4lifebrianburchett24FraggleRockL490suzebittersweetGlittery_LoveWillie1derfulBob_Heller
    • 357
    • RETWEETS
    caroline_umcbrianburchett24xanoIogykacycattsuzebittersweethaggis_lovervinfurytrancemakadance
    DeanB15sameblackshoes1__
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    My wife was such a cock block at the bar last night.

    • 1,116
    • FAVS
    weedfiend4lifeAd_Girlysteamboatsalllybrianburchett24jess_strattonsuzebittersweetGlittery_LoveShaeAaron
    • 271
    • RETWEETS
    steamboatsalllybrianburchett24jess_strattonWillie1derfulvinfuryDionneMcNuttmentalsweatsSweetNSaucy10
    101RaceyBlondiethegoodDoom_Jedi
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    I don't get out of the shower to pee..... in fact sometimes I pee in the shower even if I'm not in it.

    • 876
    • FAVS
    caroline_umcbrianburchett24FraggleRockL490suzebittersweetGlittery_LoveMajorzdeadShaeAaronWillie1derful
    • 253
    • RETWEETS
    fkcarscaroline_umctaralea29brianburchett24FraggleRockL490Willie1derfulvinfuryRueBarb_
    ilgrandechuck1BigMicksiamonday
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    Hey young lady, talking like a whore will only get you so far on here...... eventually you're going to have to say something funny.

    • 803
    • FAVS
    ericaj1721____Tortilla_Nazibrianburchett24jess_strattonFraggleRockL490mvassallo70pugDNAsuzebittersweet
    • 275
    • RETWEETS
    SoVerySheritaralea29brianburchett24suzebittersweetRideSallyRide69_UUNSPOKENN_Willie1derfulpandonenchev
    DionneMcNuttjamieramonejayonguitar
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    You better check yourself before it autocorrects it's self.

    • 804
    • FAVS
    brianburchett24suzebittersweetRideSallyRide69Glittery_LoveWillie1derfulNatKingKoletonBlaineBrucekDuncanG
    • 243
    • RETWEETS
    HavanaPassbrianburchett24TajalithacaIvsy01BlaineBrucevinfuryDionneMcNuttTwitmytweeties
    sporadicattackfifty_buds
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    Don't waste your time going to the library looking for books on suicide..... no one ever brings them back.

    • 750
    • FAVS
    BabyFaceFormanbrianburchett24jess_strattonFraggleRockL490suzebittersweetrandomlady74meebshereRideSallyRide69
    • 243
    • RETWEETS
    brianburchett247moochieRideSallyRide69TantePollyAttilaTaktlosmisterpauseAiluqetWillie1derful
    circlejokesladyfiredancer
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    On twitter someone says they shit their pants or just jacked off, you follow them...... in real life you back the fuck away.

    • 759
    • FAVS
    brianburchett24jess_strattonFraggleRockL490SlyPinkspyAlice_cdcKittenMrowlpetiteunosuzebittersweet
    • 207
    • RETWEETS
    brianburchett24SlyPinkspysuzebittersweetRideSallyRide69bendymommyBlaineBruceDefective_JeanImABaconDonut
    sgtblueeyes
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    I just caught my shadow doing that jerk off motion thing while I was explaining Twitter / Favstar to my wife.

    • 720
    • FAVS
    NatKingKoletonweedfiend4lifeHunnerGoMeowbrianburchett24jess_strattonFraggleRockL490suzebittersweetGlittery_Love
    • 140
    • RETWEETS
    brianburchett24Willie1derfulspeknycStupidSophia_isaaaaJosesLovesYouvinfuryleahlovescheez
    JosesLovesYouseanx3laurahapper______obscurerobot______Bry1972
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    Your kid's kids are going to laugh their asses off at the pics you took of yourself in the mirror.

    • 592
    • FAVS
    HunnerGoMeowbrianburchett24FraggleRockL490suzebittersweetWillie1derfulBob_HellerBlaineBrucehaggis_lover
    • 206
    • RETWEETS
    brianburchett24cassvincevinfurymentalsweatschristinawilderslotjunkieroseAlisonBFLYogaButterfly_
    Bryan_Swagger85
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    Tonight on Facebook - Nobody can wait for the weekend.

    • 636
    • FAVS
    The_GetawayGirlTortilla_NaziSoVerySheribrianburchett24FraggleRockL490suzebittersweetWillie1derfuliwearaonesie
    • 142
    • RETWEETS
    taralea29brianburchett24FraggleRockL490cassvincevinfuryBoobnish__________mostafa_baydounchristinawilder
    BoyCalledAnn
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    I thought I saw a coyote in the yard tonight but I couldn't tell because it didnt have an anvil.

    • 597
    • FAVS
    brianburchett24ShaeAaronOhighIsisWillie1derfuliwearaonesiebendymommyJosesLovesYoumeemeebee
    • 172
    • RETWEETS
    taralea29brianburchett24OhighIsisWillie1derfulhaggis_loverMkjkfitzgeraldad_terroremVaDawn13
    littlekitnerboygaliamangolemmywinkler______
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    I found a vibrating flash light in my wife's underwear drawer but I can't figure out where the bulb is.

    • 582
    • FAVS
    ktemp__xobrianburchett24One_FineMessluvchil67Uh_OoooooRideSallyRide69Willie1derfulbendymommy
    • 117
    • RETWEETS
    taralea29brianburchett24Uh_OoooooRideSallyRide69Willie1derfuldavrosvandrosjunejuly12titletown___
    MarcusOreallyIamEveryDayPpl
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    Hey guy with no shirt on in his avi....... you're stepping in douche bag

    • 533
    • FAVS
    Sims_was_herecaroline_umcbrianburchett24Willie1derfulMmmmMinnyskullpuppy11haggis_loverBoobnish__________
    • 101
    • RETWEETS
    Sims_was_herecaroline_umcbrianburchett24Willie1derfulskullpuppy11CheetoBandito77FroggieChikktitletown___
    bigmikeymike777
@roadkill3x

@roadkill3x

I am the Mario Mendoza of Twitter (dot com)