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  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    My favorite mythical creature is the happy bitches in tampon commercials.

    • 2,034
    • FAVS
    MarsARMYCanadasuzebittersweet_cAPpadonnaajunkyardiganRolltide_mnSkinnieTallsCourageDRGlittery_Love
    • 1,265
    • RETWEETS
    MarsARMYCanadaKarinaabae_Rolltide_mnSkinnieTallsBudHarris1kraynazeMudd_MistressHypercraxy
    GroperClevelandUGotMeRightlakeanagirlTallerThanATreeJuan_GolbezzeCloeLola22aimeevc1970circlejokes
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    I just went to poop without my phone & had to entertain myself with a magazine like a god damned caveman.

    • 1,795
    • FAVS
    MarsARMYCanadasuzebittersweetGlittery_LoveConquerorVVormShaeAaronWillie1derfulquinn_francesAshley_Alaska
    • 892
    • RETWEETS
    MarsARMYCanadasuzebittersweetWillie1derfulAshley_AlaskanittunisiaNatKingKoletoniwearaonesiespeevis
    NoorShammadannydogmouthJimmyTheThingCaptainObtusefifty_budsMothpete
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    If the devil was smart he would have challenged someone in a state less likely to have good fiddle players.... Like Rhode Island or Utah.

    • 1,607
    • FAVS
    suzebittersweetGlittery_LoveShaeAaronWillie1derfulAshley_Alaskaknittgirlbleustreakskullpuppy11
    • 893
    • RETWEETS
    suzebittersweetWillie1derfulAshley_Alaskaknittgirlskullpuppy11TKMonikerbohdisativaThatDingbat
    sentientsnorkelVikeeysSecret_Lindiscretion____hipchkkEFFFFFFYOU________littlekitnerboyjamieramonejayna_patriceManJuggsSaviorFreedomford414__________
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    I have a black belt in leather

    • 1,555
    • FAVS
    MarsARMYCanadasuzebittersweetitsbsKittenWrittenGlittery_LoveConquerorVVormShaeAaronWillie1derful
    • 752
    • RETWEETS
    MarsARMYCanadasuzebittersweetKittenWrittenWillie1derfultorieannesaltredherringbearAshley_Alaskawondrgirl05
    DanKCharnleyJermHimselfishTheReal_AndyMacRummyLaudedWolfbaneMahler____
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    These generic frosted flakes are ooooooookay.

    • 1,535
    • FAVS
    k8ieokayskullpuppy11MarsARMYCanadasuzebittersweetGlittery_LoveknittgirlConquerorVVormGoodBadThing
    • 722
    • RETWEETS
    kirtneyskullpuppy11MarsARMYCanadaGoodBadThingWillie1derfuliwearaonesiespeevisJugganawtt
    Adam14lilgapeach30______palokinJazzerStaceLuvPugC_J_Commode______Cpt_Burnoutbignas46UGotMeRightdeede311__________
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    It's hard telling how many Kleenex I've fathered.

    • 1,318
    • FAVS
    MarsARMYCanadasuzebittersweetmonicasjungleRideSallyRide69Glittery_LoveShaeAaronWillie1derfulAshley_Alaska
    • 365
    • RETWEETS
    RideSallyRide69Willie1derfulClassyHooliganaura_birdiescottthetwathaggis_lovervinfurycbme69
    SassyTxGirl83BillArrundaleDukeOfOyl________livingnBostondannydogmouthsarcazm2small_white______Mike_Wrong
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    It doesn’t matter how many bible verses you post on the Facebook it’s not going to wash away our memory of you being a whore in high school

    • 992
    • FAVS
    MarsARMYCanadaleslieann_100TheRealRHBsuzebittersweetrobin_991TDeeRocktimcaronSMinottiXXX
    • 584
    • RETWEETS
    TheRealRHBsuzebittersweetAbelMesganawRideSallyRide69johnrezzzWillie1derfulskullpuppy11jessica_senpai
    nossink______NolaChef504JBelk78__________ReDHeaDeDTaRT____wickedmayfairBarebakAssassincuntsiclesMarcusOreally
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    Whatever happened to vodka flavored vodka?

    • 1,068
    • FAVS
    MarsARMYCanadasuzebittersweetGlittery_LoveWillie1derfulBob_HellerBlaineBrucekDuncanGhaggis_lover
    • 355
    • RETWEETS
    ih8tcopskacycattsuzebittersweethaggis_lovervinfurytrancemakadancethornley18balloon_knotty
    DeanB15sameblackshoes1__
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    My wife was such a cock block at the bar last night.

    • 1,111
    • FAVS
    suzebittersweetGlittery_LoveShaeAaronWillie1derfulContradictEgoAshley_Alaskaiwearaonesiemeemeebee
    • 268
    • RETWEETS
    Willie1derfulvinfuryDionneMcNuttmentalsweatsSweetNSaucy10becabirdTwitmytweetiesWCIICHICK
    101RaceyBlondiethegoodDoom_Jedi
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    I don't get out of the shower to pee..... in fact sometimes I pee in the shower even if I'm not in it.

    • 874
    • FAVS
    MarsARMYCanadasuzebittersweetGlittery_LoveMajorzMajorShaeAaronWillie1derfulAshley_Alaskaiwearaonesie
    • 249
    • RETWEETS
    MarsARMYCanadaWillie1derfulvinfuryRueBarb_davrosvandrosTwitmytweetiesventivodkacranangryassbastard
    ilgrandechuck1BigMicksiamonday
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    Hey young lady, talking like a whore will only get you so far on here...... eventually you're going to have to say something funny.

    • 799
    • FAVS
    MarsARMYCanadamvassallo70pugDNAsuzebittersweetrandomlady74robin_991RideSallyRide69LurkAtHomeMom
    • 272
    • RETWEETS
    suzebittersweetRideSallyRide69_UUNSPOKENN_Willie1derfulpandonenchevFitchyEmmaBeeBoggledylanmackinnon2
    DionneMcNuttjamieramonejayonguitar
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    You better check yourself before it autocorrects it's self.

    • 803
    • FAVS
    suzebittersweetRideSallyRide69Glittery_LoveWillie1derfulNatKingKoletonBlaineBrucekDuncanGhaggis_lover
    • 241
    • RETWEETS
    TajalithacaIvsy01BlaineBrucevinfuryDionneMcNuttTwitmytweetiesTlaxBoy05nossink______
    sporadicattackfifty_buds
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    Don't waste your time going to the library looking for books on suicide..... no one ever brings them back.

    • 747
    • FAVS
    MarsARMYCanadasuzebittersweetrandomlady74meebshereRideSallyRide69Glittery_LoveHerr_Architekt____AttilaTaktlos
    • 242
    • RETWEETS
    7moochieRideSallyRide69TantePollyAttilaTaktlosmisterpauseAiluqetWillie1derfulNatKingKoleton
    circlejokesladyfiredancer
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    On twitter someone says they shit their pants or just jacked off, you follow them...... in real life you back the fuck away.

    • 757
    • FAVS
    MarsARMYCanadaSlyPinkspyAlice_cdcKittenMrowlpetiteunosuzebittersweetTDeeRockRideSallyRide69
    • 206
    • RETWEETS
    SlyPinkspysuzebittersweetRideSallyRide69bendymommyBlaineBruceDefective_JeanImABaconDonutxGingerAvenger
    SgtBlueEyes
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    I just caught my shadow doing that jerk off motion thing while I was explaining Twitter / Favstar to my wife.

    • 715
    • FAVS
    MarsARMYCanadasuzebittersweetGlittery_LoveWillie1derfuliwearaonesiespeknycStupidSophia_isaaaa
    • 139
    • RETWEETS
    Willie1derfulspeknycStupidSophia_isaaaaJosesLovesYouvinfuryleahlovescheezjunejuly12
    JosesLovesYouseanx3laurahapper______billymeetsworldBry1972
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    Your kid's kids are going to laugh their asses off at the pics you took of yourself in the mirror.

    • 590
    • FAVS
    MarsARMYCanadasuzebittersweetWillie1derfulBob_HellerBlaineBrucehaggis_lovercassvincevinfury
    • 205
    • RETWEETS
    cassvincevinfurymentalsweatschristinawilderslotjunkieroseAlisonBFLYogaButterfly_Imnotsurehow
    Bryan_Swagger85
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    Tonight on Facebook - Nobody can wait for the weekend.

    • 632
    • FAVS
    MarsARMYCanadasuzebittersweetWillie1derfuliwearaonesiebendymommyBob_HellerBlaineBrucekDuncanG
    • 140
    • RETWEETS
    MarsARMYCanadacassvincevinfuryBoobnish__________mostafa_baydounchristinawildersnitch9to5Terror_85
    BoyCalledAnn
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    I thought I saw a coyote in the yard tonight but I couldn't tell because it didnt have an anvil.

    • 596
    • FAVS
    ShaeAaronOhighIsisWillie1derfuliwearaonesiebendymommyJosesLovesYoumeemeebeeWhitnuts
    • 170
    • RETWEETS
    OhighIsisWillie1derfulhaggis_loverMkjkfitzgeraldad_terroremVaDawn13junejuly12ventivodkacran
    littlekitnerboygaliamangolemmywinkler______
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    I found a vibrating flash light in my wife's underwear drawer but I can't figure out where the bulb is.

    • 580
    • FAVS
    One_FineMessluvchil67Uh_OoooooRideSallyRide69Willie1derfulbendymommymeemeebeehaggis_lover
    • 115
    • RETWEETS
    Uh_OoooooRideSallyRide69Willie1derfuldavrosvandrosjunejuly12titletown__Imnotsurehownossink______
    MarcusOreallyIamEveryDayPpl
  • roadkill3x
      Two Dogs @roadkill3x

    Hey guy with no shirt on in his avi....... you're stepping in douche bag

    • 530
    • FAVS
    Willie1derfulMmmmMinnyskullpuppy11haggis_loverBoobnish__________slotjunkieroseSassyTxGirl83ventivodkacran
    • 98
    • RETWEETS
    Willie1derfulskullpuppy11CheetoBandito77FroggieChikktitletown__Oddly_NormalTomServo18TheDailySchmuck
    bigmikeymike777
@roadkill3x

@roadkill3x

I am the Mario Mendoza of Twitter (dot com)