Tweety Bird memorabilia and Virginia Slim cigarettes go hand in hand.

The word NASCAR comes from the Greek root word meaning "lacking teeth".

I'm just going to vote for whatever president bans Skechers Shape-Ups.

I really hate how some people are "successful" and "do stuff" and "make money" and all that. I'll just keep being me.

I played "connect the dots" with all the chocolate milk stains on my shirt and it made a huge frowny face...

No matter where you are in life, there's always going to be that guy that says "buttcrack of dawn".

Say what you want, but any guy in a visor is going to be called Chad or Mark to me. No exceptions.

I'm ready to be old so my bitterness towards teenagers can really be justified.

"I'm ridin' splinters, ridin' splinters. They don't stop"- Tree Six Mafia

I wish we all had 3 times throughout life to throw down a vile of smoke to make us disappear and yell "Ha!".

Whooooaaa, you definitely caught me of guard with that spelling, Stephen.

Man, if Tyler Perry doesn't call it quits soon, I'm going to break every TV in a 5 mile radius.

"La da da da, la da da da" *Bedazzling new jeans* "La da da..."

-Clay Aiken

Every time the clock tower at the library chimes, I like to creepily whisper to whoever is around "..it's time.." Great way to make friends!

NOTHING makes me feel more secure than when a black woman calls me baby, sweetie, or child.

I'm about 3 Swiss cake roll wrappers away from my complete morph in to a Shell night manager.

Awesome denim carpenter shorts, dudes named Glen.

I hate going to the movies and you have to do that "grunt and hold you breath while turning your knees" trick when someone needs in the row.

Wow. This ITT Tech commercial is really gaving me the inspiration I needed today.

If you call your coffee cup a tumbler, you can see your self out.