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If your response to calls for gun control is “Should we get rid of cars too?” the answer is, for you, yes. You should not have a gun or car.
First Easter without Zayn :(
ME WATCHING OLYMPIC EVENT: “Holy shit that was amazing!”
COMMENTATOR: “Ooh, that was not good at all. He must really be upset with himself.”
"Ha ha ha! Terrific!" - Mitt Romney, every time Jar Jar Binks appears on screen
THE HOBBIT IS 14 HuRS LONG DESPITE WHAT THE ADS SAY THEY WONT LET US LEAVE MY WIFE WETTED HERSELF WE’RE ALL CREYING DOORS LOCKED FROM OUTSID
What’s all the fuss about horse meat? Who gives a shit? I’ll eat a horse. I’ll eat your dog. I’ll eat your fucking family.
Wifi at my uncle's funeral is a fucking joke.
Germany, relax! They're not Poland.
What a fucking embarrassing clown of a person you’d have to be to oppose gay marriage.
Racist gun enthusiasts: there could be black people hiding *inside your body* so please fire a gun up your asshole just to be safe.
As far as I’m concerned, the scariest thing to come out of the Muslim world is algebra.
Even though Zimmerman was found not guilty, I still don't recommend armed vigilantism, stalking and/or manslaughter, i.e. the things he did.
Which Mumford is the dad?
If I were a woman, when I encountered sexism I’d be like “BRB, I’m gonna go *MAKE A HUMAN* IN MY BODY LIKE A MAGICAL GOD, YOU SAD OAF.”
Watch all episodes of CATASTROPHE on Amazon right now: http://amzn.to/1SpnBnX @SharonHorgan & I wrote it.
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