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First Easter without Zayn :(
If your response to calls for gun control is “Should we get rid of cars too?” the answer is, for you, yes. You should not have a gun or car.
Wifi at my uncle's funeral is a fucking joke.
Racist gun enthusiasts: there could be black people hiding *inside your body* so please fire a gun up your asshole just to be safe.
What’s all the fuss about horse meat? Who gives a shit? I’ll eat a horse. I’ll eat your dog. I’ll eat your fucking family.
"Ha ha ha! Terrific!" - Mitt Romney, every time Jar Jar Binks appears on screen
Germany, relax! They're not Poland.
THE HOBBIT IS 14 HuRS LONG DESPITE WHAT THE ADS SAY THEY WONT LET US LEAVE MY WIFE WETTED HERSELF WE’RE ALL CREYING DOORS LOCKED FROM OUTSID
Crazy to think that the eyes you're reading this with will one day be ripped out of your head by a chimpanzee you thought you could trust.
As of today I've been sober 13 years. 13 years ago I was in jail in a wheelchair, naked. Today I'm not! Thanks to those who've helped me.
They decided to call it "vaping" after "Diet cigarettes for Juggalos" didn't catch on.
"There's a lion."
"I love it already."
"And a wardrobe."
"WELL SIGN ME UP MOTHERFUCKER."
Watch all episodes of CATASTROPHE on Amazon right now: http://amzn.to/1SpnBnX @SharonHorgan & I wrote it.
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