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If your response to calls for gun control is “Should we get rid of cars too?” the answer is, for you, yes. You should not have a gun or car.
I love gay people. Or as I sometimes call them, "people."
Ted Cruz is a bunch of silly putty stuck to the skeleton of a Salem witch trial judge who was killed in a fire lit by his favorite slave.
First Easter without Zayn :(
You're literally the most famous living racist in the world. https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/741590381503086592 …
People make fun of Ben Carson but he did brain surgery on me in 2006 and I'm here to say that potato chimcham luna pop canoe town fimpy.
Wifi at my uncle's funeral is a fucking joke.
As far as I’m concerned, the scariest thing to come out of the Muslim world is algebra.
Racist gun enthusiasts: there could be black people hiding *inside your body* so please fire a gun up your asshole just to be safe.
If you have an AR-15, I am coming to your house to take it, right now. But not before I kiss you in front of your sons. 🇺🇸
What’s all the fuss about horse meat? Who gives a shit? I’ll eat a horse. I’ll eat your dog. I’ll eat your fucking family.
"Ha ha ha! Terrific!" - Mitt Romney, every time Jar Jar Binks appears on screen
Germany, relax! They're not Poland.
USA • #CATASTROPHE Season 2 is now on @AmazonVideo: http://amzn.to/1SuUNL2 @SharonHorgan and I write it.
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