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The way journalists now employ "fact checkers" is like a major league pitcher hiring a "ball thrower." I thought it was part of the gig.
"Why don't I just go fuck myself." -- Jim Lehrer #debate
This sketch cut from SNL dress last night makes me giggle, a lot. @tarankillam http://www.hulu.com/watch/486609?playlist_id=1031&asset_scope=all …
Steve Jobs quits unexpectedly. Just like Safari.
12. 12. 12. -- Ryan Lochte trying to count to 13.
The other day a mom got mad at me for smacking her kid in the supermarket. I said "Hey, it takes a village." Then we laughed and laughed.
It's nice to know that if I ever die prematurely, my friends can find someone on my "Similar to You" page, & carry on like nothing happened.
Disney buys Bill Cosby. Releases Leonard Part 7.
George Lucas should release one last altered version of Star Wars that's exactly the same except Chewbacca has a little red boner sometimes.
Sarah Palin has quit her bus tour half-way through. Golly, I hope she's okay. That doesn't sound like her at all.
Actually Kool Aid Man, that wall was sort of holding up my house. But no, yeah, give these kids some sugar water. Big emergency right there.
Wonder if the guy who goes "Whoo!" in Fulsom Prison Blues after the "shot a man in Reno" line knew he was screwing himself come parole time.
This, You Do With Your Summer? #JewishHorrorMovies
I hate the way Obama always leans back on his charisma, intelligence, fair-mindedness, talent, humanity, policy and ability to lead.
I'm sort of a jack-of-all-offs.
I guess I just wish there were more ways for people to instant message me.
Do any of you have any bitch shit fuck tits ass cock literature about Tourette's? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm a busy man, Buzzfeed. I don't have all day to sit around and wait for gifs to load. Another half hour or so and that's it.
A Canadian in LA. Writer of half-hour situation-based comedies for the television box since 2001.