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-- Italian father asking his daughter if her new boyfriend bowls
"Why don't I just go fuck myself." -- Jim Lehrer #debate
Steve Jobs quits unexpectedly. Just like Safari.
Sarah Palin has quit her bus tour half-way through. Golly, I hope she's okay. That doesn't sound like her at all.
12. 12. 12. -- Ryan Lochte trying to count to 13.
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt officially engaged. I wonder if they'll have kids.
Love that there's talk of banning midnight screenings instead of say, banning assault rifles.'Cause, u know, the late nites are the problem.
Disney buys Bill Cosby. Releases Leonard Part 7.
It's nice to know that if I ever die prematurely, my friends can find someone on my "Similar to You" page, & carry on like nothing happened.
Somewhere, some guy woke up this morning thinking the world had nothing left to show him. Scarlett Johansson just saved his life.
I've forgotten more about how to end a sentence than most people will ever lasagna.
Fear? I don't know the meaning of the word. (Looks up fear in dictionary) Oh that... Yeah, no, I have that constantly.
If u think I'm gonna spend a lovely day like this streaming old movies on Netflix 'cuz I'm hungover... I forget where I was going with this.
I just threw away a gum wrapper but Netflix picked it up.
This sketch cut from SNL dress last night makes me giggle, a lot. @tarankillam http://www.hulu.com/watch/486609?playlist_id=1031&asset_scope=all …
Writer of half-hour situation-based comedies for the television box.
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