im a disaster just waiting to stop happening

"You can't go home again" —
true —
but you can (it turns out) make a new home from all your dead hopes and debris,
and live happily.

When all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail or an advancing horde of dead-eyed ceramic puppets.

@apelad Jah always liked you best.

It's amazing how the fleur-de-lis manages to be so incredibly vaginal and so incredibly phallic at the same time.

Bill Gates looks like retirement-age Harry Potter.

My neighbour doesn't know we're dating.

@tshellen @scottsimpson in certain parts of LA, "cougar in the aqueduct" is a common road hazard sign.

"You wanna go some place quiet?"

"You mean like Sears?"

I wonder what age I'll be when I stop being incredibly impressed every time I find out someone I know lives in a HOUSE.

You gotta learn how to say no. No is the password to the next level.

If I had a 3D printer I would print more 3D printers.

I was into dinosaurs before they were coal.

[placeholder for self-respect]

Knock knock…who's there?
Knock knock…who's there?
Knock knock…who's there?
Knock knock…who's there?
Knock knock…who's there?
Phillip Glass.

World's Most Beautiful Woman Even Prettier on the Inside.

My cat’s at the foot of the bed curled up to my wife’s feet and it’s really cute except that’s my spot.

Dads with kids at McDonald's, exchanging nods and sighs.

All our issues aside, I *still* have a mother who has held hands with the Dalai Lama, and sued Dick Cheney—rather than the other way around.

The self is always the last to know.