Hypothetically, if a chick burnt her right breast with a curling iron and it left a sizable mark would a guy still want to touch that boob?

After reading all the books twice and watching every episode of the 5 seasons, I don't think I much like True Blood.

Shout out to that one guy in Florida who isn't gay.

If I were dating a body builder and he didn't have a fully tanned dong, well, frankly I'd be hurt and downright upset.

Every new artist sounds like Bruno Mars. Males too.

If someone has a petition to stop this bushy eyebrows on women trend, I will gladly sign it.

"You wan igneifb on uidn nayo?" -lady doing my pedicure right now

I'm sad today, can one of you women post a picture of you flexing in front of a mirror so I can judge you and feel better about myself?

Ryan Gosling is not sexy.

If I were a pro wrestler my name would be Confused Dragon and my entrance song would be the Jurassic Park theme song, for obvious reasons.

Just watched a tutorial on the golf channel about how to properly swing a 9 iron. I'm so wet.

It's someone's birthday today and that someone is @titaniumtoplass! HAPPY BIRTHING DAY, NICKERS!!

Only five minutes into watching Iron Man 3 and I've already said "What a faggot!" about Robert Downey Jr. nineteen times.

I'm so glad my name isn't "Lindsay Lohan"

They should make a movie about a bad vampire that falls in love with a human and learns how to be a good vampire or some shit.

Sometimes I listen to Amy Grant on purpose.

Just tried to pee in a urinal, I think I finally GET men.

It's easy to coach a kids soccer team that always wins, just tell the kids that if they lose they're all being put up for adoption.

We have a lot in common, we both hate everyone and everything AND we both love naps and snacks so I'd say he's perfect for me.

Those Star Trek movie posters would look a lot cooler if they were just an image of Hacksaw Jim Duggan looking mad as hell.