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Jokes about Canada will not be tolerated when our nation's capital is under attack.
Tommy Lee Jones' nut-sack looks like Tommy Lee Jones.
I feel like New York “Giants” is politically incorrect and very offensive to those midget things.
Americans talk funny.
God created everyone equal, then he put a dick on the stupid ones.
Make a Wish Foundation but for sexual fantasies and snacks.
I’m re-enacting Titanic today, I’m at the part where Rose is naked on the couch eating Corn Flakes and watching Storage Wars.
I wanted to have sex with Uma Thurman until I saw her toes in Kill Bill.
Just realized I haven’t checked my blind spot in almost 9 years.
I'm not conceited, I actually have a low self-esteem for someone with a perfect set of tits and flawless cheekbones.
Watching Rocky III. It's difficult staying aroused during the scene where Mick dies. Not impossible though.
Hey Americans, I dare you to keep making jokes about Canadians, see what fucking happens (nothing will happen, we hate conflicts. Sorry)!
So cellybate I can't even spell it anymore.
I hate your cat.
I don't know why guys love anal. My ass is an exit only. Unless I'm drunk. Or he's rich. Or cute. Or has all his teeth.
🎶 How do I live without you, I want to know, how do I breathe without yooooou🎶ohh never mind, I figured it out.
I don’t need Foursquare to tell me I’m the mayor of Sexytown.
Viagra commercials make me want to go into the wilderness with men who have erectile dysfunction and help them get their fuck-tents up.
Sometimes karma FINALLY catches up with people and it’s fucking hilarious.