Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Bad haircuts are like bad sex. You will let them finish but the whole time you're thinking "I'm never cumin here again"
No matter how far back you lean that seat, how high u put ur one hand on the steering wheel, you will never look cool driving a minivan.
My drinking has interfered with my drinking. I bet I could get a scholarship to a rehab. This is pro-level
Maybe the reason why we can't get pandas to mate in captivity is we keep picking the fugly ones for them to mate with?
Tramp stamp collections are the only stamp collections I'm interested in
Typo nazis on here can suk my dik
Life is easier when you plow around the stump.
In other news, manscaping after a few drinks is hard.
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?
There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar!
I don't understand why all these people in NY celebrate a 'ball dropping'. I had two drop YEARS ago
In my next life my profession will be 'Stunt cock'.
Anyone that says they love to go to the gym everyday are assholes and shld not be trusted
Do u think Hitler called his dog the lil Führerball?
Wow my mind is fuct
Is ass kegels a thing? Any time I'm on a long drive and ate Indian food.... Ass kegels are defiantly a thing
I've just been nominated for best actor playing a retard, drunk, or insane person. Practice makes perfect.
The worse you're outta shape=the worse your choice in clothes. Just saw a fat dude with 'your next meal' and an arrow pointing at his crotch