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  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    It's sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his violence, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.

    • 11k
    • FAVS
    HollyHollywood8N8GrieveDagaDanzigInkedUpKidderDersitenepetalaurensheibleymaxzasadaNmay2
    • 20k
    • RETWEETS
    AlaynaHronekArjunMunjiAlastairBainesthe69geeksN8GrieveInkedUpKidderAC_or_Windowsamycalderon
    SeanpocalypsenotfaizzyBeeStaplerbennybootfokmRitleySammichNeutrontrilogyAlexandrJimnzezeddalyKyle_Lippertzachreinert03SeanBlazed__ChristianSoyYoMattBinderMikeRoeSortaBademilyinyellowchristinatheleeerica_rosie
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    New Parent Idea:
    1. Take pictures of you pulling baby out of spacecraft in forest.
    2. Hide pictures in attic for kid to find when he's 10.

    • 7,587
    • FAVS
    thawley_GennyGLpeytonamoreAustinAmeriPearljam_11HaushThirteensquiresjl8The_Flasherman
    • 13k
    • RETWEETS
    AlaynaHronekvancejoyfuljod_dojbengalihoeskuehn_88JaySun13CharFrosticleHaushThirteen
    lilmissphillipsdarthmanga
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    1. Hide babies all over house.
    2. If a kid asks, "Where do babies come from?" laugh, "Where DON'T they come from!" and open every cabinet.

    • 5,033
    • FAVS
    GustavSjoobergJarred_SaysgrawpwanthaggerBlameItOnSarumFakeZaidiillestbabaMimmioliviasmotettiket
    • 7,076
    • RETWEETS
    yololukkebergur_arnarlackabawsMike_Gulliver84GloryGloryTHFCryantksJackKevinThomasTottenhamStevie
    darthmangaMrTurstkampsinkelkulusKalarlis
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    ME: "Trick or bear?"
    NEIGHBOR: "Bear?"
    ME: "HE HAS CHOSEN THE BEAR!"
    [distant roar and sounds of clanking chains]

    • 3,519
    • FAVS
    2pac8intDeadShannacatx1000rainydaysBigMedwardsninabuttmonkeylinzyandhobbesLawbsterSaidejstrattan
    • 2,903
    • RETWEETS
    Lanimal_DrProfPingusetosoraunderchurchlakeejstrattanixliveslouxieKatrinaa_Bbbynu5
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    Twitter does its best work in the first five minutes after a disaster, and its worst in the twelve hours after that.

    • 1,510
    • FAVS
    gabejklotzJonSawernero_crossplayJedistitchhurufkecilgentlewoomanPravmagamasondota
    • 3,822
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyymgreenwind1fjme2419nero_crossplayBasanti_ReturnsRahulChelsSShazoyLaultyFogic
    TimHaines
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    Anyone else getting sick of their dad constantly bragging that the Zodiac Killer was never caught?

    • 2,975
    • FAVS
    SwarmOfBees2000DanieIDannyDanerlendberryscott33123453Frank_DeBlasioreTICKulousLeftHandRisethelittlephrase
    • 1,255
    • RETWEETS
    gckrugerKevinCoppagelistenupnerdsAngryBosnianFanJackson_T_Fishingdamnitfilbypott_Dizzydude
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    The worst part about being a giraffe is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you're sinking into quicksand.

    • 1,637
    • FAVS
    zlarttysleepwalkingdogFloptaJoenewjustinemadrob1983ChiefyWhoreTICKulousthelittlephrase
    • 2,459
    • RETWEETS
    WildPixelsmarcwanmrphildogHelibobs84MintyBaublesMarcusDCooktdawksHamzaPatterson
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger's property and make a non-negotiable demand.

    • 2,035
    • FAVS
    kayleepariseborg01_RyanLeachvikkaroonibenpepmncorbisieroshauniguessmoonpsd
    • 1,278
    • RETWEETS
    kayleepariseborg01_RyanLeachCleesmeveld15mncorbisieroshauniguessArtistWondersTheZebrawolf
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    When you say, "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans," all I hear is, "There's a bear out there who knows how to use matches."

    • 1,392
    • FAVS
    Ritz2RubblereTICKulousthelittlephrasecutiedotzenGorillaMunchiesCornOnTheGoblinarifiliatraultJoseluHere
    • 1,916
    • RETWEETS
    weirdnachosKierxnyouthoughtat123CharlesCrayolaTBlindAndCDeafDwhFtwManofthewoods3JoshParker38
    mjohnny3Cameron_Sladeemilyinyellow
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    A crime or a miracle happened here. pic.twitter.com/GIoSrHHmjo

    • 1,895
    • FAVS
    noahdruckenbrodZupermantasticmncorbisierocatwuumanlinglingsjarcatiehousmanlizzyboots_ArtistWonders
    • 927
    • RETWEETS
    HannahStahlMarkPuliceash_ahlersDaReal_ChuckjodieknotthereecareyincvillebradfislerTylerGHopkins
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    First off, I did not "fill" your car with snakes. There were six in there.

    • 1,918
    • FAVS
    __ambraDBwiddaDBreTICKulousBob_The_BuildathelittlephraseZora_d_1991kururinbombWhiskeyAndRyan
    • 796
    • RETWEETS
    DBwiddaDBmaryandpattyTheRealTonerPmattwithanhZora_d_1991dogbabe1001011JDlikethedrinksamsrabin
    BeeStapler
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    The best way to be passive aggressive to a trophy store is to order a "Worst Trophy Shop" trophy and then never pick it up.

    • 1,342
    • FAVS
    HashtagCheersIts_Vandal93catsDibJoshmmmmiguel_GarthokkreTICKulousthelittlephrase
    • 1,263
    • RETWEETS
    DibJoshGarthokkreTICKulousfavstar_historyheythisisbrianwastedsipsSuperIncreiblecolexicoillogic
    GeireKamiBeeStaplerzachreinert03wondroushippoBrentweets
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    INTERVIEWER: "How would you describe yourself?"
    ME: "Verbally, but I've also prepared a dance."

    • 1,045
    • FAVS
    HashtagCheersIts_Vandal123wink93catsdisastroturfDibJoshmmmmiguel_reTICKulous
    • 1,075
    • RETWEETS
    MariusStefi247JBusch260BombayKaBabureTICKulousFreakohBeachwaPleaseSughabaresandboxtoy
    JosesLovesYouNeutrontrilogy
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    Since so many people who speak out against gay marriage end up being gay, I've decided to start speaking out against superhero marriage.

    • 564
    • FAVS
    reTICKulousthelittlephrase_CursedTeaRuysvogelThe_Lazenby_GuyWeirdsworth__Playing_Dadtnylgn
    • 1,324
    • RETWEETS
    23_Liesdavidparker41notnotlukepeewrinkleCoreyDMonroeimagineimaliveKoquettish__Jodesaroo
    TimHaines
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    1. Sit in stall of a crowded bathroom.
    2. Whisper, "Oh no, not again..."
    3. Slowly pour a large bucket of milk onto the floor.

    • 927
    • FAVS
    amaniirthecanadianDJIts_VandalJBusch260anotherguyiknowBulletWolfKayyyMeistercrushingbort
    • 701
    • RETWEETS
    amaniirBombayKaBabuSpiderPissDibJoshreTICKulousemhaaschsavx666jerschobel
    loveletterbombsrorynotroy
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    If I was invisible, I'd find bad mimes and wordlessly beat them to death. Just to give them one final, fantastic performance.

    • 686
    • FAVS
    reTICKulousthelittlephrasegoodasspostsDadBalloonsRenegadeofPantssydneydurrantJoshPetersen7_CursedTea
    • 938
    • RETWEETS
    goodasspostsJoshPetersen7HarryWKMSamSheehanJUSTLisandracoolwebsiteuseratlukeantonio__MikeFloorwalker
    StellacopternachosarahStacey0cerebralbalsy____
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    Business Plan:
    1. Make a "FREE HUGS!" sign.
    2. During the hug, whisper, "But it's $50 to let go."
    3. Gently press a knife into their side.

    • 893
    • FAVS
    Its_VandalJBusch260RebeccaBeccazGoobs_16laur83_LaFiercee93catsjaronsbladder
    • 697
    • RETWEETS
    BombayKaBabulaur83_LaFiercee93catsDibJoshliberty_nachoreTICKulousJedistitch
    turndownfornapsKazlightyearz
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    Still looking for leads in the case of "Who ate directly out of the watermelon?" pic.twitter.com/jKKhZ1cKdI

    • 998
    • FAVS
    noahdruckenbrodshaneverploeghheisenberg_sRememberNguyenmncorbisierosamgoldiloxxthelittlephrasejacobsw
    • 496
    • RETWEETS
    elenamarie17LeBeauJauneRoi_DogsForLifeTheSaleemChurchofFreeJensenBrittaustinnevitt71CourtGrangier
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    ME: "Trick or bear?"
    NEIGHBOR: "Bear?"
    ME: "HE HAS CHOSEN THE BEAR!"
    [sound of chains clanking and distant roars]

    • 749
    • FAVS
    angelhakyeonswagmeoutmasonzachSIMBAileywhit_winkEmilyRippyGyarachuuriley_smiley6snickerszLovE
    • 670
    • RETWEETS
    sleepyhyukSHINJlSzachSIMBAileyEricallenharrisEricHarrisUAEmilyRippysnickerszLovEzar_ebooks
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    1. Walk into gas station dressed as an astronaut.
    2. Unfold map.
    3. Say, "I'm trying to get here," and point to spot a foot above the map.

    • 759
    • FAVS
    erlendberryHashtagCheers123winkmmmmiguel_matt___nelsonreTICKulousthelittlephraseChuckyNookie
    • 566
    • RETWEETS
    BombayKaBabureTICKulous69shadesoftaarursuladt_CursedTeafgb_sherlocksolomongumballkekantus
    BeeStapler
@rolldiggity

@rolldiggity

Writer on Community, Rick and Morty. Giraffe enthusiast.

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