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  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    It's sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his violence, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.

    • 6,733
    • FAVS
    Sliptasticpokechop_la_CursedTeawadingshorebirdthinknegative37doublebatmankukkurovacamdmorson
    • 17k
    • RETWEETS
    SliptasticDylanAtelierpokechop_lagermbearddaniel_jablermjmoriaritydoubleozaphodBelliAndrew
    SeanpocalypsenotfaizzyBeeStaplerbennybootfokmRitleySammichNeutrontrilogyAlexandrJimnzezeddalyKyle_Lippertzachreinert03SeanBlazedChristianSoyYoMattBinderMikeRoeSortaBademilyinyellowchristinatheleeerica_rosie
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    New Parent Idea:
    1. Take pictures of you pulling baby out of spacecraft in forest.
    2. Hide pictures in attic for kid to find when he's 10.

    • 7,418
    • FAVS
    GothicGourdGirl_CursedTeajamesb0ydDMCsqrdghofheimerfabnet_beMvanWunnikRuysvogel
    • 13k
    • RETWEETS
    jsaintyKrisOfGravyAgeDMCsqrdxgublers_girlxMvanWunnikfabio_mazarottokander23682368waupoos
    lilmissphillipsdarthmanga
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    1. Hide babies all over house.
    2. If a kid asks, "Where do babies come from?" laugh, "Where DON'T they come from!" and open every cabinet.

    • 4,802
    • FAVS
    Error_143kevintripleunancy_ruttokratosfrostbiteAllisonChinArtSomeBaadeFlrsi_CursedTea
    • 7,072
    • RETWEETS
    TheKenyan_Bay_Loves_NiallKellyHoughtingFlrsi_CursedTeabrian_penguinMoralesFabian05radicaljocy
    darthmangaMrTurstKampSinkelkulusKalarlis
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    Twitter does its best work in the first five minutes after a disaster, and its worst in the twelve hours after that.

    • 1,503
    • FAVS
    SeanismoneymurfsaBandersnaaatchb_radrad_guyWeirdsworthPlaying_DadtnylgnRitz2Rubble
    • 3,820
    • RETWEETS
    SeanismoneyyourockmysockvikmunalaYegonianWathiary_kouzukektocky8360m660d
    TimHaines
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    The worst part about being a giraffe is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you're sinking into quicksand.

    • 1,568
    • FAVS
    _CursedTeaEMMAnem143Missus_xdjrevelationDrangulaKilla_Vee_lempathscottdedalus
    • 2,455
    • RETWEETS
    KremlinSambenchi_clempathKilla_Vee_scottdedalusppattersonjaxmoskrinDearflynn
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    When you say, "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans," all I hear is, "There's a bear out there who knows how to use matches."

    • 1,147
    • FAVS
    kevintripleuLeratoKeNnaaliciafiascoPseudo_nym11mamarazziphoto_CursedTeaRuysvogelEvanMoyle
    • 1,781
    • RETWEETS
    TheKenyan_aliciafiascoAwkwardlyHpureTHABISOKay_Angeljaydiera_CursedTeajerschobel
    Cameron_Sladeemilyinyellow
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    The best way to be passive aggressive to a trophy store is to order a "Worst Trophy Shop" trophy and then never pick it up.

    • 1,301
    • FAVS
    hannah_garciaVokanthSo_OccultJeanieMacIsaacILoveSailing123Flrsi_CursedTeagspels
    • 1,255
    • RETWEETS
    hannah_garciaSo_OccultJeanieMacIsaacFlrsi_CursedTeagkazmergspelsNicklausPC
    GeireKamiBeeStaplerzachreinert03wondroushippoBrentweets
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    First off, I did not "fill" your car with snakes. There were six in there.

    • 1,725
    • FAVS
    _CursedTeaChrisDowningAUSarah_F_BabythatmilesJDlikethedrinkkatienicole_03nanoblossomChelsea_Conrad
    • 729
    • RETWEETS
    _CursedTeaMooperpookieJustPetrociouscastellatexbxttxSamReid_misterjamomhartg1
    BeeStapler
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    Anyone else getting sick of their dad constantly bragging that the Zodiac Killer was never caught?

    • 1,564
    • FAVS
    TheKenyan__CursedTeaLerkyRuysvogelCandyTripComicadelusionistMomoglmarkd428
    • 687
    • RETWEETS
    GoblinFace13CandyTripComicGarrettLeiaadelusionistMomoglIncandenzaBulbsAri_LloydMark_Dubs
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    INTERVIEWER: "How would you describe yourself?"
    ME: "Verbally, but I've also prepared a dance."

    • 997
    • FAVS
    selinaaamyMadElizaLwalker8701PrettyMintBlog_CursedTeafitrisiainRuysvogel0zMovies
    • 1,062
    • RETWEETS
    LanieRTR4nic2Tussie14jaydieraFresh_Lezintowalker8701TheFakeAlias_CursedTea
    Neutrontrilogy
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    Since so many people who speak out against gay marriage end up being gay, I've decided to start speaking out against superhero marriage.

    • 562
    • FAVS
    _CursedTeaRuysvogelThe_Lazenby_GuyWeirdsworthPlaying_Dadtnylgn23_LiesCalebHorvath
    • 1,324
    • RETWEETS
    23_LiesDavidParker41notnotlukepeewrinkleCoreyDMonroeimagineimaliveKoquettishJodesaroo
    TimHaines
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    If I was invisible, I'd find bad mimes and wordlessly beat them to death. Just to give them one final, fantastic performance.

    • 679
    • FAVS
    _CursedTeaBandersnaaatchDearflynnWeirdsworthlesterfreamonPlaying_Dadtnylgntor_92_v
    • 936
    • RETWEETS
    SamSheehanJUSTLisandrawilky1514atlukeantonioMikeFloorwalkerFanpantsmbondurantColdrooms_________
    StellaRtwotnachosarahStacey0cerebralbalsy____
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    1. Sit in stall of a crowded bathroom.
    2. Whisper, "Oh no, not again..."
    3. Slowly pour a large bucket of milk onto the floor.

    • 907
    • FAVS
    TheKenyan__CursedTeaDanielZarickvinyltypecayleyyucuisRuysvogel0zMoviesBandersnaaatch
    • 700
    • RETWEETS
    emhaaschSavannah__RjerschobelMichiiMariee0zMoviesradicaljocyHandsome3KMuryGoRound
    loveletterbombsrorynotroy
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    Business Plan:
    1. Make a "FREE HUGS!" sign.
    2. During the hug, whisper, "But it's $50 to let go."
    3. Gently press a knife into their side.

    • 879
    • FAVS
    kevintripleunairobian_TheKenyan_Bong_MongerFlrsiLordDodd_CursedTeaRuysvogel
    • 689
    • RETWEETS
    mpozii___k_elvinTheKenyan_Bong_MongerKellyHoughtingTheFakeAlias_CursedTeamatttyd23
    lwhit_the_bossKazLightYearz
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    1. Walk into gas station dressed as an astronaut.
    2. Unfold map.
    3. Say, "I'm trying to get here," and point to spot a foot above the map.

    • 756
    • FAVS
    TheKenyan__CursedTea0zMoviesSHEisalsomesar_marvjhalm40AidanJPadronWeirdsworth
    • 565
    • RETWEETS
    ursuladt_CursedTeafgb_sherlocksnowsenceskekantuspizzzzzaaaaaaafarida_hamimiLadymcera
    BeeStapler
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else's, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.

    • 851
    • FAVS
    aetaruTheKenyan_samtschilatanenhausBarbiturateCatGothicGourdGirlbenalexnewmansarahlpopkin
    • 428
    • RETWEETS
    RukzanaramsheedGothicGourdGirljakepop18gspelsepiphoricDavidKavanagh6kendrcksmsJimmmboSlicee
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    ME: "Trick or bear?"
    NEIGHBOR: "Bear?"
    ME: "HE HAS CHOSEN THE BEAR!"
    [sound of chains clanking and distant roars]

    • 642
    • FAVS
    TheKenyan__CursedTeaRuysvogelemmat106MLChristopher90PippaPereiramarkd428EClarkKent
    • 558
    • RETWEETS
    emmat106MLChristopher90DwarfSasquatchShishkahubenPlaysInversepunonmynamewi11_e_mthisisnath
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he's a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.

    • 739
    • FAVS
    ThePhoenixOTheKenyan__manyofhorrorkevineproulxRukzanaramsheedGothicGourdGirlDickFontainehamskii
    • 411
    • RETWEETS
    GothicGourdGirljerschobelpetermayanjaThe_SownahbeemeistahSchusterJaneBuzz1010nsmitham980
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    Hallmark rejected another one of my card ideas... pic.twitter.com/JYS8tJdSl5

    • 777
    • FAVS
    TheKenyan_CountDrewkuTheMAMArtist_CursedTeaLouthSophrickincooll_opzygrace_callaghan
    • 361
    • RETWEETS
    CountDrewkuJonnyMowatGavMurphy1catstuttardtuckerwinsScotty993Chelsea_Conradbigjock
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    Proud to live in a country where moms get a day and sharks get a week!

    • 548
    • FAVS
    TheKenyan_0zMoviesWeirdsworthPlaying_DadtnylgnHandsome3KleighthausSutton_Speaks
    • 582
    • RETWEETS
    SaraThomas84dafloydstamariabrian93_you_right_nownotman88terminalpunk89SFbrwneyedgirllOHFORREALS________
    sammyrhodesyoyohaIsaacKozell
@rolldiggity

@rolldiggity

Writer on Community, Rick and Morty. Giraffe enthusiast.