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  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    It's sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his violence, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.

    • 7,241
    • FAVS
    crisskoenigreTICKulousFabTiffHallJohn26649305Katch_GTnerdculajkaigwaraHollieHellcat
    • 17k
    • RETWEETS
    nanamecedochiaragleek9hummeIandersonAnneKhalumbaJohn26649305Sharp5kielviswanjaucurtlow_
    SeanpocalypsenotfaizzyBeeStaplerbennybootfokmvaporcoffinNeutrontrilogyAlexandrJimnzezeddalyKyle_Lippertzachreinert03SeanBlazedChristianSoyYoMattBinderMikeRoeSortaBademilyinyellowchristinatheleeerica_rosie
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    New Parent Idea:
    1. Take pictures of you pulling baby out of spacecraft in forest.
    2. Hide pictures in attic for kid to find when he's 10.

    • 7,572
    • FAVS
    RyanShultzyMasonBissadaIts_VandalJBusch260z050123winkForest_ebooksreTICKulous
    • 13k
    • RETWEETS
    creepycleadyRyanShultzyjnich666z050BombayKaBabuliberty_nachoreTICKulouscamille_mcconks
    lilmissphillipsdarthmanga
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    1. Hide babies all over house.
    2. If a kid asks, "Where do babies come from?" laugh, "Where DON'T they come from!" and open every cabinet.

    • 4,813
    • FAVS
    reTICKulousstevieessencethelittlephraseAllisSkeletonMahanooorHasBadaRufffyaarUshbaYousuf
    • 7,076
    • RETWEETS
    NerdyBirdieMziddi_anarwaypastbananasLaungDaLashkaraKhaaliPeeliufffyaarthanksforinfoUshbaYousuf
    darthmangaMrTurstkampsinkelkulusKalarlis
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    ME: "Trick or bear?"
    NEIGHBOR: "Bear?"
    ME: "HE HAS CHOSEN THE BEAR!"
    [distant roar and sounds of clanking chains]

    • 3,164
    • FAVS
    cutesycreatorChase_Smith82AJMANIA100amy_erikadesignwitchhannahsiggKaylaHacklhone_n_bone24
    • 2,586
    • RETWEETS
    _WilliamMorrissunshinestreetsamy_erikadesignwitchhone_n_bone24MattBetts_turbovirginsEsnigg
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    Twitter does its best work in the first five minutes after a disaster, and its worst in the twelve hours after that.

    • 1,510
    • FAVS
    nero_crossplayJedistitchhurufkecilgentlewoomanPravmagamasondotaLasmaSkAi_Vanna
    • 3,822
    • RETWEETS
    ymgreenwind1fjme2419nero_crossplayBasanti_ReturnsRahulChelsSShazoyLaultyFogicithebiker
    TimHaines
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    Anyone else getting sick of their dad constantly bragging that the Zodiac Killer was never caught?

    • 2,975
    • FAVS
    Frank_DeBlasioreTICKulousLeftHandRisethelittlephrasesaltcowsadman420__SeanRMoorheadSuzyMcNamara
    • 1,254
    • RETWEETS
    AngryBosnianFanJackson_T_Fishingdamnitfilbypott_DizzydudeObeyTheRiffcraigdouglas3jpgvlaarhoven
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    The worst part about being a giraffe is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you're sinking into quicksand.

    • 1,631
    • FAVS
    reTICKulousthelittlephraseAnjali_IDr_FillyBluntFabianAguirrednbrnsABurgerADayJoshPetersen7
    • 2,459
    • RETWEETS
    KierxnDr_FillyBluntpeterchaywardofficeresquireradicaljocywund3rfulgckrugerJoshPetersen7
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    When you say, "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans," all I hear is, "There's a bear out there who knows how to use matches."

    • 1,391
    • FAVS
    reTICKulousthelittlephrasecutiedotzenGorillaMunchiesCornOnTheGoblinarifiliatraultJoseluHereJedistitch
    • 1,916
    • RETWEETS
    Kierxnyouthoughtat123CharlesCrayolaTBlindAndCDeafDwhFtwManofthewoods3JoshParker38Luna_BerryFire
    mjohnny3Cameron_Sladeemilyinyellow
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger's property and make a non-negotiable demand.

    • 2,028
    • FAVS
    beaubybeauFrank_DeBlasioSallingsSamreTICKulousJenniferhlee52OtkazStendnotactuallyzachMattShiney
    • 1,278
    • RETWEETS
    ArtistWondersTheZebrawolfozoMattShineyAbortieOranguKangjodieknottheredebbiemarie8
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    A crime or a miracle happened here. pic.twitter.com/GIoSrHHmjo

    • 1,895
    • FAVS
    ArtistWondersthelittlephrasebifflechipsbakonuttaliayalaOtkazStendTheDannyMethodjessfurrealz
    • 927
    • RETWEETS
    HannahStahlMarkPuliceash_ahlersDaReal_ChuckjodieknotthereecareyincvillebradfislerTylerGHopkins
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    First off, I did not "fill" your car with snakes. There were six in there.

    • 1,918
    • FAVS
    __ambraDBwiddaDBreTICKulousBob_The_BuildathelittlephraseZora_d_1991KururinBombWhiskeyAndRyan
    • 796
    • RETWEETS
    DBwiddaDBmaryandpattyTheRealTonerPmattwithanhZora_d_1991dogbabe1001011JDlikethedrinksamsrabin
    BeeStapler
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    The best way to be passive aggressive to a trophy store is to order a "Worst Trophy Shop" trophy and then never pick it up.

    • 1,342
    • FAVS
    HashtagCheersIts_Vandaljudas_pieceDibJoshmmmmiguel_GarthokkreTICKulousthelittlephrase
    • 1,263
    • RETWEETS
    DibJoshGarthokkreTICKulousfavstar_historyheythisisbrianwastedsipsSuperIncreiblecolexicoillogic
    GeireKamiBeeStaplerzachreinert03wondroushippoBrentweets
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    INTERVIEWER: "How would you describe yourself?"
    ME: "Verbally, but I've also prepared a dance."

    • 1,045
    • FAVS
    HashtagCheersIts_Vandal123winkjudas_piececlassyseltzerDibJoshmmmmiguel_reTICKulous
    • 1,075
    • RETWEETS
    JBusch260BombayKaBabureTICKulousFreakohBeachwaPleaseSughabaresandboxtoywelcometomyjuly
    JosesLovesYouNeutrontrilogy
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    Since so many people who speak out against gay marriage end up being gay, I've decided to start speaking out against superhero marriage.

    • 564
    • FAVS
    reTICKulousthelittlephrase_CursedTeaRuysvogelThe_Lazenby_GuyWeirdsworth__Playing_Dadtnylgn
    • 1,324
    • RETWEETS
    23_Liesdavidparker41notnotlukepeewrinkleCoreyDMonroeimagineimaliveKoquettishJodesaroo
    TimHaines
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    1. Sit in stall of a crowded bathroom.
    2. Whisper, "Oh no, not again..."
    3. Slowly pour a large bucket of milk onto the floor.

    • 925
    • FAVS
    Its_VandalJBusch260anotherguyiknowBulletWolfKayyyMeistercrushingbortjudas_pieceSpiderPiss
    • 701
    • RETWEETS
    BombayKaBabuSpiderPissDibJoshreTICKulousemhaaschsavx666jerschobelMichiiMariee
    loveletterbombsrorynotroy
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    If I was invisible, I'd find bad mimes and wordlessly beat them to death. Just to give them one final, fantastic performance.

    • 686
    • FAVS
    reTICKulousthelittlephrasehotsoccerchicDadBalloonsRenegadeofPantssydneydurrantJoshPetersen7_CursedTea
    • 938
    • RETWEETS
    hotsoccerchicJoshPetersen7HarryWKMSamSheehanJUSTLisandracoolwebsiteuseratlukeantonio__MikeFloorwalker
    StellacopternachosarahStacey0cerebralbalsy____
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    Business Plan:
    1. Make a "FREE HUGS!" sign.
    2. During the hug, whisper, "But it's $50 to let go."
    3. Gently press a knife into their side.

    • 893
    • FAVS
    Its_VandalJBusch260RebeccaBeccazQueenGabulouslaur83_LaFierceejudas_pieceJaronBlatter33
    • 697
    • RETWEETS
    BombayKaBabulaur83_LaFierceejudas_pieceDibJoshliberty_nachoreTICKulousJedistitch
    turndownfornapsKazlightyearz
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    Still looking for leads in the case of "Who ate directly out of the watermelon?" pic.twitter.com/jKKhZ1cKdI

    • 998
    • FAVS
    samgoldiloxxthelittlephrasejacobswelenamarie17Sam_OHaraLacRillervin_lieslhesterical
    • 496
    • RETWEETS
    elenamarie17LeBeauJauneRoi_DogsForLifeTheSaleemChurchofFreeJensenBrittaustinnevitt71CourtGrangier
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    ME: "Trick or bear?"
    NEIGHBOR: "Bear?"
    ME: "HE HAS CHOSEN THE BEAR!"
    [sound of chains clanking and distant roars]

    • 749
    • FAVS
    reTICKulousniketnonSitas_the_FoolFigtreedoctorLuzTapiaArtLotusZeldathisismydesignnEmmy_catbug
    • 660
    • RETWEETS
    v_wrynnPokemonGod777dioszawarudotsvetmoovaSitas_the_Foollaritheatrestellesorridonothisismydesignn
  • rolldiggity
      Matt Roller @rolldiggity

    1. Walk into gas station dressed as an astronaut.
    2. Unfold map.
    3. Say, "I'm trying to get here," and point to spot a foot above the map.

    • 759
    • FAVS
    HashtagCheers123winkmmmmiguel_matt___nelsonreTICKulousthelittlephraseChuckyNookieAccio_Glitter
    • 566
    • RETWEETS
    BombayKaBabureTICKulous69shadesoftaarursuladt_CursedTeafgb_sherlocksnowsenceskekantus
    BeeStapler
@rolldiggity

@rolldiggity

Writer on Community, Rick and Morty. Giraffe enthusiast.